The Sage Solutions Podcast Highlights of 2025: Part 2

A fast-paced highlights tour of core personal growth themes: reclaiming agency, the power of sleep, meeting the six human needs, patience as a superpower, reframing failure, the science of intrinsic motivation, the anxiety–avoidance loop, and real self-care. We share how to build support systems through vulnerability, hospitality, and boundaries while modeling growth instead of preaching it.

• focusing on your locus of control and honest agency
• sleep as foundational energy for mindset and action
• meeting certainty, variety, connection, significance, growth, contribution
• building patience to reduce reactivity and think clearly
• reframing failure to take more action
• cultivating intrinsic motivation by praising effort during effort
• breaking the anxiety–avoidance loop with graded action
• modeling growth, not preaching, in relationships
• using boundaries and expectations wisely
• defining self‑care as restorative maintenance

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Transcript

Welcome And 2025 Highlights

SPEAKER_00 0:03

Welcome to the Sage Solutions podcast, where we talk about all things personal growth, personal development, and becoming your best self. My name is David Sage, and I am a self-worth and confidence coach with Sage Coaching Solutions. Today's episode is part two of our highlights of all of the different episodes that we did in 2025. But before we get into it, our goal with this podcast is to share free, helpful tools with you and anyone you know who is looking to improve their life. So take action. Subscribe and share this podcast with them. So let's get right into it. Another core fundamental that I've actually been talking about a lot because it comes up in many of the topics that we've been discussing is focusing on your locus of control. Now, I've been talking a lot about how important it is to focus on your locus and how game-changing it is from an efficiency and mental health standpoint. However, most of the times it's come up in recent podcasts, it's been to reiterate how important it is to stop worrying about the things that you have no agency over that you can't control. And that is fundamentally so important because it frees up so much of your life, but it really is only half of it. It's not just an argument for apathy. The other half, arguably the original half of where I got this was not so much about the not worrying part, which is huge, but about putting your efforts towards the things that you can control. It's about taking action, using discipline to take action in the things that you can control. It's about using your motivation, your inspiration, your effort, your energy, your willpower on the things where you can make a difference. Focus on your locus. That doesn't mean just ignore the things outside of it. It means take action, take agency, take control of your life. You have the ability to control many things in your life. And often we lie to ourselves about how much. It is one of the fundamental parts of this core fundamental is being honest with yourself about how much control you really do have. Not blaming everything else and taking a victim mindset. It's taking control of your life, realizing that you have a huge amount of agency. And only in the areas where you don't are where you let go, are where you give yourself that freedom. But the point of letting go of those things isn't always about those things. It's actually just a fuel where you do have control. And of course, we link that with perspective because the number one thing you have control over is your brain, your thinking, your self-talk, your perspective, and the way that you look at a situation. You can reframe things with your conscious perspective, and you can get there using your agency, your control over it with your locus of control. Getting enough sleep affects literally every topic that I've talked about. Anything you want to do, you will do better if you've slept enough. Physically, mentally, socially, health-wise. It is the biggest driver that you could use to do all of the things that we are talking about here. You are more likely to take control of your conscious perspective if you've gotten enough sleep. You are more likely to focus on your locus of control if you've gotten enough sleep. You are more likely to have curiosity and critical thinking and be a lifelong learner and think in shades of gray if you've gotten enough sleep. If you are a rechargeable battery, sleep is the ultimate way to fill up your inner cup. Sleep recharges your battery in a way to be able to do all of the things that you want to do. And if you're not getting good sleep or you're not getting enough sleep, I would strongly advise you to relook at that because you are sabotaging virtually every area of your life. Take sleep seriously. Another way to fill up our inner cup is by meeting our six human needs. Everyone needs some level of certainty, and everyone also needs some level of variety. We need to use shades of gray to find a balance here, and make sure that we are getting our need for certainty met in functional ways, and that we're getting our need for variety met in functional ways, instead of ways that are detrimental to our life. Meeting our needs in productive ways causes us to not pursue unproductive, unhelpful, self-destructive ways of meeting these same needs. The second set is love or connection and significance or respect. We need to feel connected to other people. We need to feel loved. And when we get that need met, we are so much more filled up inside. And on the flip side of that exact same coin, we want to feel some form of significance. We don't want to feel like we don't matter. We want to matter. We want people to care. We want people to like us, we want to feel like we are making a difference, we want to feel significant. And one of the best ways to get significance is to be respected. We have to find a balance and helpful ways of meeting these needs as well. And then finally we have the higher needs, growth and contribution. We can find growth by learning and growing and improving ourselves, and by listening to this podcast, you're well on your way to helping yourself meet this need. But don't just stop there. Life is like a muscle. So build it. And then last, we have contribution. Contribution is possibly the highest need and always gets listed last in the six human needs. Because it's not just the self-actualization of growth, but it's like the actualization of others. It is our human altruistic moral part. It is our ability to give service, to make a difference in the world. And when you can meet your need for contribution, when you can do something that helps others, you feel so much more fulfilled. Growth and contribution are the ultimate fulfillers as far as the needs go. So if you're looking for more fulfillment in your life, pursue growth and contribution. Meeting our six human needs keeps us in balance so that we can live our most effective life. In our fast-paced society, where immediate gratification is the norm, patience might seem outdated or even unnecessary. However, I'm gonna make the argument that patience is even more critical of a skill than it has ever been. Because current society has an epidemic of a lack of patience. We've been conditioned by the world that we live in to seek instant gratification because instant gratification has been more accessible than it ever has in human history, which also means that we avoid discomfort, especially the discomfort of boredom. And building patience, like any other skill, is like a muscle. And we have to sit in the discomfort of waiting to build our patience. When we practice this powerful skill, we're not just waiting, we're actively engaging in growth, reflection, and learning. And we're often present and in the moment, taking a mindful stance. And I do believe that patience is a virtue, it is a superpower. It brings a lot of peace to life. It helps you be mindful and take a step back and just be present in the moment and not always worrying about what you have to get done. Being patient gives you the wherewithal to take a step back and use strategies like mindfulness, stoicism, taking a look at what's going on and focusing on your locus of control, or analyzing things through critical thinking and thinking in shades of gray, or rethinking things. Because when you're not in a rush, you have time to really think things through. It also gives you the space to take control of your conscious perspective so that you're less reactive and you're choosing how you're showing up. But the stronger reason why we're so inclined to avoid failure is actually because we've been conditioned that way for years. And I want to be clear, I'm not trying to demonize the education system here. I actually think that this is wholly unintentional and really just a casualty of the current system. But when you take a test, when you take a class, you either pass that class or you fail that class. Failure is the worst thing you can do. Success is the only acceptable option. Now we want kids to succeed. Heck you want to succeed. Generally speaking, it's better to succeed at something than to fail. I'm not gonna pretend that that's not true. But by having everything be past fail, success or failure, and demonizing failure, we've been repeatedly conditioning ourselves over and over and over on every homework assignment, on every quiz, on every test, to avoid failure at all costs. This conditions us to only do things if we're going to succeed, and to avoid failure at all costs. For there's no benefit to failing anything in school. But once you get into the real world where you're not forced to try, then you avoid failure by not doing it. So what we're looking to do here today is reprogram our brains, to view failure as a stepping stone, to fail forward, and see that failure is not necessarily a bad thing, and that by embracing failure you will take more action. But let's talk about an even more relatable example, one that with very few exceptions, everyone listening to this will have done themselves. You and I were both masters of embracing failure at one point in our lives. In fact, every human with the physical capabilities to do so has gone through this experience. Or we failed thousands of times, hundreds of times a day until we finally succeeded once. That's right. All of us were babies, and as a baby, we had to learn how to stand and then eventually how to walk and take our first steps. And let me tell you, you failed continuously over and over and over and over and over, but you were completely unfazed. And so was I. We were masters of taking action and embracing failure and understanding that it was a part of the process. How many babies do you know that tried once or twice and just said guess walking isn't for me? We just have to harvest and embrace this mindset that we had as children of who cares how many times I try, I want to do the thing and apply it to our lives now as adults. Action equals success, and outcomes are just learning. So our first question is why are you so passionate about self-improvement? I am super passionate about self-improvement because my life is completely different as a result of it. I can't explain how different it is to feel good about yourself on the inside, especially when you compare it to feeling so poorly and so empty and so scared, honestly. It's a huge flip to see yourself in its entirety, to have self-awareness, to follow it up with self-acceptance. And then for the areas that you're working on, for the areas that aren't your favorite, you've accepted yourself for them, and you're going to give yourself some self-compassion instead of shaming yourself. And by giving yourself that compassion, you actually build up the muscle to be more compassionate to others. And by filling up your cup, building up your confidence, building up your self-awareness, acceptance, and compassion, you become happier. And there are many other ways to build fulfillment and happiness, but happy people help people. And I am a much truer version of myself today because I was able to do that for myself. And from there, it kind of just spiraled out. In a way, self-improvement to me feels like leveling up in a video game. If you've ever played an RPG or a role-playing game, anything from Dungeons and Dragons, Baldur's Gate 3, to you name it, there's a million of them. But a game where you over time build your character, you level up, you grow, you get new skills, you get stronger, you find new synergies. That's how self-improvement feels to me. It can be kind of grating. And if somebody's not in the right headspace, you're not actually changing it. It's like I said earlier, I won't take in a non-willing client. I won't take a client that somebody else is paying for and they don't really want to be there. I'm not going to waste their time like that because they don't want to change, they're not going to change. It's the same here. If somebody isn't open to personal development, you're not going to purposely open them to it and push it on them and have them change. That's not how it works. Now, that doesn't mean that you can't have a positive impact on other people. So this is what I would say. If you're going to do a good amount of personal development, don't push that on your spouse A. Don't be overly talking about it and super annoying about it. Think about how you're coming off when you're talking about it because you might make it sound like you're implying that they are bad at something if you're excited about how, you know, whatever concept works. What I would say is model it yourself. Actions speak louder than words. Be that person. Do the self-improvement. It's generally a personal thing. You might be lucky enough to have some other people in your life that are passionate about it as well. And you can talk about it with those people, but don't push it on people that are not interested in this. Your support system gets broader and more advanced as it spreads out. It's not just those people that are your absolute ride or dies. You build this overall support system that can help you in the tough times and celebrate you in the good times. But how do I actually build and nurture these like vital support systems? And what if I don't have someone like that? What if I don't have that support system? Anyone can learn and grow and build these relationships if they put the time and effort in. It won't necessarily be easy, it won't necessarily come on the first try. It may require you to do a little bit of work on yourself and to do some self-reflection and acceptance. Be kind to other people. Genuinely care about other people. If you want other people to care about you, you're going to need to genuinely care about them. You don't get to have those people be a part of your support system and not be a part of theirs. That type of a lopsided relationship is not going to breed that for you. So, second, you're probably going to need to have some social awareness and social intelligence surrounding this. You're going to need to actually try to be friends with these people. Try to have good social interactions, not just do whatever fits best for you, but actually try and make people feel validated, feel heard, be an active listener, talk about things that interest them. Be a good friend, you know?

SPEAKER_02 19:01

Be the friend that you wish you had.

SPEAKER_00 19:04

Yes. The next thing I would say is you're going to need to be vulnerable with people.

unknown 19:11

Oof.

SPEAKER_00 19:12

Yeah. Well, you have to open up. You have to share some of your weaknesses. All of my closest friends know my weaknesses, both because they can see them and because I'm not afraid to share them. I am not a fast writer. I have sloppy handwriting. I am slow at a lot of tasks compared to the average person. I have my fair share of downsides. I get distracted easily with my ADHD. Though oddly not when I'm listening to people. I find listening to people genuinely and intently very fascinating. So that's kind of one of the areas I've lucked out with my ADHD.

SPEAKER_02 19:50

You are very good at listening. I will give you that. Dishes, maybe not so much.

SPEAKER_00 19:56

Organization. Look, the list goes on. And on. I'm not perfect. And neither are you. And no, I'm actually not talking to my wife. I'm talking to you, the listener.

SPEAKER_02 20:09

Hey.

Vulnerability, Hospitality, And Social Skill

SPEAKER_00 20:11

Um, and nobody wants to be friends with someone that is perfect. Because frankly, it doesn't exist. It's totally unrelatable. Which is why being vulnerable, being open is actually what connects you to other people. Find places where you can give genuine love. If you're feeling unloved, go take care of someone who's feeling unloved. Because believe it or not, they're going to feel those feelings back for you. Not necessarily in a romantic way, this is not what I'm talking about. What I'm saying is to give an example, if you're feeling lonely, go spend time with someone who's feeling lonely in a nursing home. The amount of joy that you would give that person and how happy they will be to see you, and how happy they will be to have you come each time will make you not feel lonely. You will both be contributing and giving love to someone else and receiving it yourself. Start by giving what you'd like to receive. There's a saying that goes, You are the average of the ten people that you spend the most time with. So you might want to think about what that average makes. And if there are people that you wouldn't want to be a part of that average, then maybe they shouldn't be in those top five or ten people.

SPEAKER_02 21:48

Right, no, that makes sense.

Boundaries, Expectations, And Energy

Cultivating Intrinsic Motivation

The Avoidance–Anxiety Loop

SPEAKER_00 21:52

In the grand scheme of things, if you want to get your needs met and have a good life, you have to be able to work with other people. It's just the reality that we live in. If you're not a psychopath, you care about other people. Rightfully so. You should. It's part of our inherent morals. And it's good to care about other people. Not just for yourself, but because it's the right thing to do. But I think if you're going to be good with people, you have to become genuinely interested in them and their well-being. You have to actually care about how you make them feel. Talk about things that they're interested in. Listen to them actively. Ask real questions. And when you foster this skill, which we build like a muscle, of genuinely caring about other people and genuinely taking an interest in other people, you will find that your social interactions go so much better. And one of the best ways for us to embrace this is by being of service to other people, but fostering the skill of hospitality. Meaning, if you care about somebody, you should also care about the way that you make them feel. You want to treat them with hospitality. If you like somebody, take care of them, care about them. Go out of your way to do nice things for them. Think about how your actions and your words will make them feel. I'm not saying this from a manipulative sense. I'm saying genuinely want to make people feel good. Being good socially is making a positive impact in other people's lives. And you can learn skills to help do that. It's not about influence, it's not about getting ahead. Those are actually just side effects of being a good person and practicing your social skills. And frankly, generating more influence if you're using it for good is a good thing. But it's not all just about the way that you make people feel or the social skills that you use with people. If you really want to connect with somebody, you're gonna have to be vulnerable. People connect when they feel similar. Now, this is where we develop our social intelligence and social awareness so that we use the right amount of vulnerability in the right proportions at the right time. We don't want to emotionally unload on people. We want to show vulnerability progressively at the pace that feels right as a relationship grows. Not every social interaction you're gonna have is gonna be this light fluffy thing. Sometimes you're gonna have to deal with difficult people. And in those situations, it's best to protect your own energy. Not necessarily by leaving that interaction, but by focusing on your locus of control. And another way is by lowering your expectations of other people so that you don't get frustrated with them for not meeting them. Let them live their lives. You don't have to control them. Just let go. Set boundaries where necessary. But boundaries are to protect you, not to punish them. But how do expectations and boundaries interlock? Well, it's not always gonna work out perfect. You're gonna have to give yourself some grace here and find some shades of gray. But ideally, you want to eliminate your expectations as much as possible in your interactions with other people, while maintaining or holding your own boundaries or standards for yourself. A boundary isn't putting a bunch of expectations on others, but holding standards for yourself. You can hope for your interactions with people to go in a very positive light without expecting it, while holding boundaries to not let people take advantage of or walk all over you. But what if I told you there was one specific muscle? And when I say muscle, I'm referring to traits or skills that we can build like a muscle, that there's one muscle that is more powerful and can have a bigger impact on your life than any other single muscle that you could build. That muscle is intrinsic motivation. Because if you can build this muscle, it will actually produce its own fuel and fuel all the other muscles that you want to build. This is a topic I've actually held off on covering because I wanted to have a good enough understanding to really do it justice. So here it is. Cultivating intrinsic motivation. Dr. Andrew Huberman, a scientist at Stanford and the host of the Huberman Lab podcast, has done a fantastic job of popularizing the science of how dopamine really works in the context of motivation. One of his key insights is that dopamine isn't just released when we achieve a goal. A significant and perhaps more crucial release happens during the effort itself, especially when we believe we are on the right path. Think about that. It's not just about the summit of the mountain. What it's really about is the climb. Huberman explains that our brains are wired to release dopamine when we are in pursuit, when we are striving. However, a critical piece here is our subjective interpretation of the effort. If we view the struggle, the friction, the difficulty as a bad thing, something to be avoided, we can actually suppress this beneficial dopamine release. But if we can get ourselves back to that natural state, to use our conscious perspective to reframe that effort as the very thing that's carving the path to our goal as evidence that we are moving forward, then the effort itself can become a source of dopamine and a reward in and of itself. This is truly a game changer because it means we don't have to wait for the finish line to feel motivated. We can tap into that drive during the process. It's actually our natural state. Huberman often discusses how our mindset and self-talk around effort are incredibly powerful tools. He emphasizes that attaching the dopamine reward to the effort, not just the outcome, is the key to that sustained pursuit. To put it in layman's terms, praising yourself for doing things that take effort during the effort rewires your brain back to its default state of feeling motivated by effort. So if dopamine is released during effort and our perception of that effort matters, how do we actually cultivate this intrinsic, effort-driven motivation? This is where Dr. Huberman's insights become incredibly practical. Let's break down some actionable steps. First, and this is a big one, learn to subjectively reward the effort. Huberman suggests that we need to consciously tell ourselves that the feeling of strain or difficulty is good. When you're working on something challenging and you feel that resistance, instead of shying away from it or getting discouraged, do your best to mentally reframe it. Tell yourself, this is it. This feeling means I'm making progress. This is my brain and body getting stronger and adapting. I like making progress. You don't have to word it exactly like that, but you get the point. In this example, you're basically attaching the dopamine release of internally praising yourself and acknowledging the progress to this sensation of effort. Remember, when it comes to the brain, neurons that fire together wire together. It is that simple. Keep doing this repeatedly, and it will become more and more of an ingrained pathway, and you will build this muscle steadily over time. It's about recognizing that the effort itself is the win in that moment. You took action. Action equals success. And all outcomes are just learning. This is why I say it. Doing the thing, taking the action, doing the effort is the success. Effort is enough. Progress is the point. Growth is the goal. Practice is the purpose. Action cures everything. Historically, avoiding threats kept us alive. But these modern day threats are often much more psychological than objectively real. The fear of failure, the fear of rejection, of judgment, or simply the discomfort of uncertainty. When we're faced with a task that triggers these feelings, like a tough conversation, applying for a new job, or even going to a social event, that old part of our brain kicks in and says, nope, let's scroll through social media instead.

SPEAKER_02 31:33

Because in the moment, it feels good to kind of avoid that conflict. I'm trying not to use the word avoid much, but it's hard to not use the word avoid when we're talking about avoidance.

SPEAKER_00 31:44

Who would have thought?

SPEAKER_02 31:46

But, anyways, it feels good in the moment to distract ourselves from facing that obstacle or what we think is a big thing. And a lot of times it's not nearly as scary as we've made it out to be in our brains.

SPEAKER_00 32:02

Right. Because our thoughts, while they can be objective, are often much more subjective than reality. And that means our fears and the way that we build them up in our head can also be subjective. They are directly changed or influenced by our perspective of reality. And that also means that they can be reframed to be better or worse than the situation actually is.

SPEAKER_02 32:33

And the longer we put it off, the bigger it becomes.

SPEAKER_00 32:36

Oh, now you're getting into the meat and potatoes of where this is going. But before we get too ahead of ourselves, at its core, avoidance is your brain's attempt to prevent discomfort. And the science here is fascinating. Though a bit paradoxical, when we avoid something that makes us anxious, we get immediate relief. But here's the catch. That minor immediate relief reinforces the anxiety and reinforces the avoidance. See, anxiety often makes people want to avoid whatever is causing their anxiety. But the kicker is that there's a negative feedback loop. Avoidance is one of the biggest drivers of anxiety. When you're avoiding the thing that gives you anxiety, you are removing yourself further from that thing, which allows your brain to build it up to be a bigger deal than it is because you're further removed from it. You've also subconsciously reinforced that the thing must have been bad because it's why you avoided it. And the more times you avoid what makes you anxious, the bigger the threat your brain builds it up to be. And subconsciously you reaffirm that the reason that you avoided it was because it was a big threat.

SPEAKER_02 34:07

Breeding anxiety, insecurities, and self-doubt.

SPEAKER_00 34:11

And this cycle keeps continuing over and over as your anxiety around it builds and builds, and your avoidance keeps happening until it can even cause at its extreme crippling disorders like agoraphobia or the fear of leaving your house, as well as other phobias.

SPEAKER_01 34:35

Self-care is about what feels restorative to you and what helps you restore the areas of your life that you're feeling, or maybe those buckets, like you've talked about, those pockets of your bucket that are feeling a little bit dry and need some energy and attention.

SPEAKER_00 34:52

Yeah, I know you visualize it as like separate buckets that are each named. And I've kind of talked about it as this overall cup that is you that have the different pockets, but really we're talking about the same thing. And that's not to say that anything that fills up your cup is necessarily self-care.

SPEAKER_01 35:13

Well, is it? What's the distinction there, I guess?

SPEAKER_00 35:18

I think we risk getting a little caught up in the nuances of definition, but at least when I'm talking about the core fundamental of filling up your cup, there are many ways to do that, and not all of those things are restorative. Some of those things are with different traits or things that make you feel full, happy, fulfilled. Not all of those things are necessarily restorative, if that makes sense.

SPEAKER_01 35:48

Yeah, it does.

SPEAKER_00 35:50

So I think self-care is more about taking care of yourself, as the name suggests. And and restoring things or filling up areas that are feeling empty as opposed to like fulfilling things that make you feel alive.

SPEAKER_01 36:10

Yeah. Now I kind of chuckled because it does sound funny that we're saying, well, self-care is about caring for yourself. Like people are going to be listening and being like, no, duh. But there really is a lot of nuance and gray area and things to flesh out here. Like David and I were talking about this before we even started recording. And there's a lot that we had to be like, wait, is that self-care? Or is that selfish? Or is that self-indulgence? Or is that like there's so many different layers here to work through. So hang in there with us.

Wrap‑Up And Next Steps

SPEAKER_00 36:46

And maybe I'm a little off here, but one of the filters that I'll use for thinking about self-care is would I be caring for someone else if I did these things? If I was taking care of a pet, if I was doing things that are, and I'm not talking about like caretaking where you're enabling or, you know, this is where this gets a little complicated, but I mean taking care of yourself, doing things that are for your own good, for your benefit, right? The easiest way to know whether it's self-care is to use a filter of if it's a net positive to you and your life, it makes you feel restored, and it's not harming anyone else or yourself in the future. It's very likely a good form of self-care. It's really about actively preserving, improving, and restoring your own physical, mental, and emotional health. It's about recognizing your needs and taking steps to meet them. Think of it as preventative maintenance for your mind and for your body. You wouldn't drive a car for a hundred thousand miles without an oil change, would you? Yet so many of us push ourselves relentlessly without ever pausing to refuel and replenish. Alright, and that's all we have for part two of our highlights of 2025. Tune in for part three coming soon. For part three, the final part, coming soon. 2025 was an interesting year because it was almost exactly at the halfway point of the year that we switched from doing weekly episodes to bi-weekly episodes. Which also means that this will be the year that has the most total episodes to highlight, because our first year we were only around for about half a year, and every year going forward, it'll be bi-weekly. And remember, you are enough, and you deserve to fill up your inner cup with happiness, true confidence, and resilience. Thank you for listening to the Sage Solutions podcast. Your time is valuable, and I'm so glad that you choose to learn and grow here with me. If you haven't already, don't forget to subscribe so you don't miss out on more Sage advice. One last thing. This podcast is for educational and informational purposes only. No coaching client relationship is formed. It is not intended as a substitute for the personalized advice. Of a physician, professional coach, psychotherapist, or other qualified professional.