Sage Solutions
Advice and insight about personal growth, personal development, and becoming your best self.
Sage Solutions
Sage Scenarios 2: How To Relax Fully And Grow Without Leaving Loved Ones Behind
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Ever feel guilty for doing nothing, even when your body begs for a break? We take that knot-in-the-stomach feeling and give it language, structure, and a way out. The answer isn’t cramming chores into “rest.” It’s choosing an intentional staycation day—decided in advance, named out loud, and protected by boundaries—so your brain can drop the productivity guard and actually recover.
From there, we zoom out to the messy, beautiful challenge of growth. Change doesn’t wait for permission; you are evolving and so are the people you love. That’s why “not outgrowing” someone can’t be guaranteed. What you can do is bias your growth toward connection. We walk through the skills that keep bonds strong while you improve yourself: curiosity, listening, compassionate boundaries, conflict repair, and the discipline of finding the gray instead of clinging to absolutes. You’ll hear why modeling beats preaching, how to avoid turning self-help into a weapon, and when redefining a relationship is wiser than ending it.
If personal development is lighting you up but you don’t want to alienate your circle, this conversation is your compass. You’ll learn how to detach self-worth from output, design guilt-free rest that fuels resilience, and grow in ways that make you a better friend, partner, and colleague. And if some dynamics need to change shape, you’ll see how to do that with respect and clarity. Listen, reflect, and try one small step this week—schedule a staycation day or choose one relationship skill to practice. If this resonated, subscribe, share it with someone who needs permission to rest, and leave a review to help others find the show.
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Welcome And Format Setup
SPEAKER_00Welcome to the Sage Solutions Podcast, where we talk about all things personal growth, personal development, and becoming your best self. My name is David Sage, and I'm a self-worth and confidence coach with Sage Coaching Solutions. Today I'm joined by one of our two wonderful co-hosts, my sister Anna Sage.
SPEAKER_02Hey guys, longtime no listen. This week I partnered up with my pal ChatGPT-5 and uh gave it some prompts to try to come up with some questions that could be relatable for many different listeners, depending on what they're going through or maybe experiencing.
Subscribe And Share Mission
SPEAKER_00And we've done one of this episode format before. So this will be Sage Scenarios number two. But before we get into it, our goal with this podcast is to share free, helpful tools with you and anyone you know who is looking to improve their life. So take action, subscribe, and share this podcast with them.
The Guilt Of Do-Nothing Days
SPEAKER_02All right, let's get down to it. So the first question that I have is partially my own experience and also I think just very fitting with the time of year and people having extra time off of work. How do I stop feeling guilty about having a completely do-nothing day? Now, I'm not talking about a restorative day where I do some cleaning to make the house feel nice, or I go to yoga, or I spend time in nature and I'm doing things intentionally for my well-being and rest and relaxation. I'm talking about vegging on the couch, getting nothing done, sitting with a blanket on, reading a book, or for me, it's creating rhinestoned projects, things like that. That, yeah, it's things that I enjoy, but I didn't achieve anything. I didn't have any productivity, and I just sat the whole day. So I didn't get anything good for my body either.
SPEAKER_00So, unlike other scenarios, this one is actually just you, not a hypothetical person.
SPEAKER_02Well, yes, but a lot of people have this same issue of, oh, I just vegged all day and I feel bad about it.
SPEAKER_00No, I'm not saying anything negative by saying that. I'm just clarifying. We were trying to do specific examples that also apply to a broad subset of people. You just happen to be the scenario person this time.
SPEAKER_02Correct. Yes, this first one came from me.
SPEAKER_00So I do have a couple questions for you. Number one, what things did you do on said day that made you feel that way? I know you're saying in general you feel this way, but let's take this most recent example.
SPEAKER_02So I sat on the couch with a blanket. I read a book on my Kindle, and I either watched shows or had something in the background while I was stoning a rhinestone project that I've been doing. And literally that's it, besides eating and using the bathroom.
SPEAKER_00Okay. And in the previous days, it was lots of holiday plans, going from one plan to the next, correct? Before that, with work and you're also a dance teacher, and I think you've been doing some tutoring. So you've had a lot of things going on. You've been very busy all the way up until the holidays and through the holidays, right?
SPEAKER_02Yeah, that's true.
SPEAKER_00So, my question is if you were doing things that you enjoy and you took a day to yourself during a break after a bunch of busy days, is that a bad thing inherently?
SPEAKER_02Logically, I'm thinking, uh, what would I tell my friend? I'd be like, no, you need that to be able to rest and restore. But even though I can think that through, it still feels icky.
SPEAKER_00For sure. That's why I'm just starting there. Okay. Yeah. So logically, you understand, or you're in a place where it makes sense that it's okay to do that, but it doesn't feel that way.
SPEAKER_02Right. Yes, exactly.
Constructs, Permission, And Productivity
SPEAKER_00Okay. My next question is are there scenarios where you would feel okay doing something like that? Like let's say you're on vacation.
SPEAKER_02Yeah, I think there are different exceptions or contingencies that would make me feel like I have permission to be able to relax and veg like that. And I think one of those things would be, oh, if the house is completely tidy, all of the recurring tasks are done, it would make me feel like I have the space and permission to be able to do whatever I want without feeling guilty. Oh, but there's still some dishes in the sink, or I didn't finish folding and putting away the laundry, or, you know, I haven't vacuumed the stairs in a while. And to your point, if I was on vacation, it also just feels different. It's out of sight, out of mind, kind of, and I'm in a different location. So it doesn't just feel like, oh, this isn't a vacation. This is, I'm at home and I have the ability to do things and I'm choosing not to. You know? Does that make sense?
SPEAKER_00It does. So everything that you're saying is not hard set laws of psychology. They are constructs that you have built around these things that you feel okay with when those things are met, but you're also the person defining those things. It's not about whether the thing is done. It's about whether you're in a space that you're thinking about the ability to do the thing. If you're on vacation, then it's okay if the dishes aren't done because you can't physically get to them.
SPEAKER_02Right.
SPEAKER_00But the dishes still aren't done. Right?
SPEAKER_02Yeah. Although realistically, I'd probably do them before I left.
SPEAKER_00But there's nothing wrong with that. But you're putting yourself in a mental space where where you have framed the relaxation as acceptable because in the space of vacation, you don't need to think about those other things.
SPEAKER_02Yeah, as I'm reflecting on this more, I think I have intentionally created that construct of it feels so good to be able to relax when things are done. And it feels better to do it when things are done than it does if things are not done. I think that has been helpful and served me in some ways because it ensures I am consistent with getting things done that need to get done, especially having ADD. I get very hyper-focused on other things or out of sight, out of mind. I don't know. It's been difficult for me to stay consistent with tidying by creating that mental construct of like, I'm not going to feel relaxed until it's done. It ensures I get it done because I want to feel relaxed.
SPEAKER_00Sure. You've you've created these things to help you get these things done.
SPEAKER_02Right.
SPEAKER_00Right. But remember, they are not inherent. You have created them.
SPEAKER_02Right. So I just I don't want to let them go completely because I still want to make sure I'm getting things done and using it as a as a tool, but I don't know how to be more lax with it on the days that I really do just need to veg out on the couch.
SPEAKER_00So we already have an example of a situation where you can allow yourself to do that with something like a vacation.
SPEAKER_02I think, but it's also hard to it is a little different, but it's a proof of concept. I suppose, but it's hard because I've literally never left for vacation without having my space clean and tidy. Because my fear is if I don't do that, I'm gonna be thinking about what has to get done when I get back. You know, so it's almost in the same strain of the phone.
Designing A Deliberate Staycation Day
SPEAKER_00Yeah, okay. It's not even just about the space being clean and tidy, right? There are other productive things that you probably could be getting done, like projects around the house and stuff that are still, you know, if it's just about productivity, we don't necessarily have to hyperfocus on those specific productivity things, like a clean space. I'm not trying to say don't clean your stuff. Obviously, if that helps your mental well-being, you should continue to do that. And if it's generally working for you, then you can keep those systems around. I'm just saying that the systems can become more nuanced. You can build in different frames that give exceptions. You already have a frame around a vacation that it's acceptable to just relax and let all of that go because you have cordoned that off in your brain as a separate instance. The vacation existing doesn't make it so that that other rule, that other system doesn't exist or that it doesn't work.
SPEAKER_02Yeah.
SPEAKER_00So we can apply the exact same strategy of building a construct and having a specific preset exception that has boundaries surrounding it that can be applied to create basically the same thing. What I'm going to suggest in this situation is that you would create a mental construct, a system. Basically, you're going to frame a specific type of day and define it a certain way as a stacation day where you just don't do anything. This doesn't mean any time that you don't do stuff, it's like, oh, it's a stacation day. It means that you actually have to make the conscious choice after you create this construct that today is a stacation day. I am making that choice at the outset, and therefore I don't need to feel guilty because I've already processed through. If you just happen to do nothing, that doesn't count as a stacation day. It has to be a deliberate choice where you are accepting that you're not doing things ahead of time as just an isolation reset day for your body, for your brain to just pour yourself into things that you're passionate about. They don't have to always be productive, but you have to make that choice consciously and have that frame preset around it for you to feel comfortable accepting it. Otherwise, it feels like you just let the day slip. And there are going to be times where you're going to choose not to do a stacation day because it is more important to get those other things done. And it's probably not something you're going to be doing all of the time. Right. But by having these boundaries and this framing around this staycation day, it gives you the freedom to let go when you do choose to do one.
SPEAKER_02Yeah, that makes sense. And I think it's a matter of practice and application and feel more comfortable. Yeah.
SPEAKER_00But I think the fact that you're using your agency to choose that and have that defined as opposed to, oops, I did nothing today. And it feels like a mistake, and then you're beating yourself up for not doing those things because there was the option of doing those things in the back of your mind.
SPEAKER_02Right.
SPEAKER_00It feels like you should have been. By making it a conscious choice, you're only going to choose that when it feels acceptable to do it.
SPEAKER_02Okay. Yeah. So if I'm understanding correctly, it would be more about predetermining the day to be that and giving myself that condition that it's okay. So that in the moment I'm not feeling bad about actively not doing anything because it was already predetermined as a restful day.
Detaching Worth From Productivity
SPEAKER_00Yes. And I have to give a lot of credit to Hannah, my wife, here, because she dealt with a lot of the same things. The motivations are a little different, but not too far different. And I know both of you have at different times defined yourself in terms of your productivity or your accomplishments or of your doing, you know, doing things. So I think there's a layer of that that I'll touch on real quickly of helping separate yourself and your value from your productivity or accomplishments can also help you relax and feel less guilty. So that's another thing that can be worked on in the background. But really, it can be healthy to build in these Hannah likes to call them isolation days where she doesn't have any productive things to do and she can just enjoy herself and lose herself in something, even if it doesn't feel productive, because it can feel restorative when it's deliberate. Yeah. But when she's doing it when she feels like she should be doing something else, then it's not restorative and it, you know, makes you feel like crap. So it's really about that framing.
New Scenario: Growth And Loved Ones
SPEAKER_02Okay. On to the next one.
SPEAKER_00Sounds like a plan.
SPEAKER_02All right. So this one is a collaboration from Chat GPT and I, but as you grow, as you learn more, you change your thinking, you change your actions, and you change, right? And change isn't necessarily a bad thing. But how do you grow without outgrowing the people that you love?
SPEAKER_00Let's adjust this one a little to be a specific scenario as opposed to just a general question. So let's take a person and put them in this situation so that it can be a little more personal. We can keep it kind of generic. I think in the spirit of how we've been doing these, let's add a little bit of personalization to it.
SPEAKER_02Like a scenario.
SPEAKER_00Yeah.
SPEAKER_02Let's say this person is someone who discovered your podcast and has been listening to different episodes and really putting a lot of thought and reflection into it and applying a lot of it to their life. And so they've changed in some ways in the way they think, in the way they behave, in the patterns they find themselves in. But as a result, they're worried about how that could impact their relationship with their family or their close friends or their loved ones if those people aren't seeing the same shifts and making the same shifts in their life.
SPEAKER_00Can we adjust it a little to be like they've discovered personal development? And my podcast is just one of the Okay, okay, yes.
SPEAKER_02So it's one of the things they've been doing. They've also been to be more realistic. Yes. They've also been reading a lot of books from some of the like Brene Brown and you know, those kinds of things. And how about that?
Change Is Constant For Everyone
SPEAKER_00Is that sure they're they're new to personal growth and development, and they're also listening to this podcast. Yeah. Great. This answer is a bit more complicated than you might think. I don't know if you're going to love this answer, but there are ways to bias your growth and your change towards not outgrowing the people that you love, for sure. And some of it is a conscious choice. But unfortunately, there is no way to guarantee that. And if we take a step back from even talking about personal growth and personal development, we are constantly changing. Everyone is. If you take a personality test ten years apart, like if you take one now and then you take another one ten years from now, your personality test will be pretty reasonably different. They've done a number of studies that have shown this. I believe it was referenced a lot in a book that I really enjoyed called Personality Isn't Permanent. And it talked about how you are constantly changing, growing, and sometimes in some areas receding, you know, or or reverting. Or not all change is I guess positive, and growth tends to be uh more of a positive spin on on change. But uh both your loved ones and you, regardless of your personal growth or development, are going to continue to adapt and change and yes, grow over time, and there's no absolute guarantee that those two forms of change aren't going to diverge. Let me start with that place setting, and then we can get into the actual growth part.
SPEAKER_02Okay, so to summarize what you've said so far, essentially, whether you're choosing to deliberately go through personal growth or not, going through life, you're going to be changing. Everybody is going to be changing just due to living and the experiences we have. And therefore, there is no guarantee that you won't outgrow people in the process of living, right?
SPEAKER_00Yes. And it's the combination of not just you changing, growing, adapting, but the fact that they are as well, which means you're both moving. You're both not at a fixed point.
SPEAKER_02Right.
SPEAKER_00Which can make it more likely that people grow apart, or it can make it more likely that they grow closer. Sure. Or maintain. Because if one person was truly at a fixed point and the other person continued to change, I would actually say that it's more likely that that person would be outgrown. However, that is not how reality works. Like I said, people are going to continue to grow and change. I guess the only time that this would come into play is if somebody is very deliberately stuck in their ways, maybe, and is changing way, way less than other people, you might be able to see a little bit of this. If they're deliberately resisting change in as many ways as possible, then their change might be much smaller. So you would kind of see this effect. But with two people who are changing, they may. Maybe changing in the same direction, in which case they're going to stay close or even get closer. Or if they're changing in two opposite directions, the swing, the difference between them will be even bigger than this hypothetical person who isn't changing. You know, if you think about two arrows going in opposite directions versus a point and an arrow going away from that point, you'll get further away from each other twice as fast with the two arrows. And that's what changing in different directions can feel like.
Choosing Growth That Strengthens Relationships
SPEAKER_02Right. So then going back to my original question, how do you intentionally try not to outgrow somebody as you're both continuing to grow and change? Like what if you really want to make it a priority to keep this person in your life, you really care about them, what can you do to prevent that from happening?
SPEAKER_00Well, for one, you do have the choice, for the most part, to keep people in your life, even if you feel like you've outgrown them. Just to be clear, you do have the agency. It's not like a force of nature forces you to cut them out of your life. Now it's possible that they may feel that you've outgrown them and make that choice for you. So it's not like you have full agency there, but there is a difference between outgrowing somebody and not having them in your life. So when we're talking about personal growth and personal development, it is deliberate, right? Natural change tends to be a little bit more going with the flow of life. The culmination of your life, your experiences, the things that you learn, the people that you meet, the jobs that you work, the friends that you make, all of those things will continue to change you over time and sculpt you. And most of the time, that change is positive. As we grow and get more experiences and learn more things, we tend to naturally develop wisdom. And we tend to naturally become better versions of ourselves through trial and error and learning. But if it's not done deliberately, that is not a guarantee. There's also traumas, there's negative things that can cause your life to change in negative ways. And we don't have control over those things. Personal growth and personal development are a deliberate choice to change in a positive way, to develop your traits, skills, yourself in a way that is trying to become an even better version of yourself. It's not that you're not good enough, it's that you are continuing to grow and evolve. And if you know you're going to be changing, anyways, you might as well change for the better. You might as well grow and become the best version of yourself, the version of yourself that you want to be. So as you start growing and doing deliberate personal growth, this is a conscious choice. You are using your locus of control, you're using your agency, and you're harnessing your conscious perspective to change and grow. Now, if you're listening to this podcast, you have two other core fundamentals than the ones I just talked about, focus on your locus and your perspective of reality, that you're generally using to shape that growth, which is life is like a muscle, so take action and build it. So you are consciously building these skills and traits. And the other one would be lifelong learning in shades of gray through curiosity and critical thinking. So by using these two, we are consciously growing and learning and changing, and we are exposing ourselves to lots of new concepts. We are having self-awareness, we're being open, we're being curious, but we're not just accepting everything. We're thinking critically, we're finding the balance in the shades of gray, we're taking action, we're being deliberate, and we're building these muscles over time. You choose what muscles you're building. Some of it is not necessarily going to be fully according to plan because you don't totally know how all of the new personal development information is going to change or shape you, but you are choosing what you're exposing yourself to for the most part.
Don’t Preach Personal Development
SPEAKER_02Yes, I totally agree with all of that. And bringing it back to just reflecting on my own experiences, when I first discovered personal growth and development and really dove into listening to audiobooks and reflecting and practicing different things to become a better version of myself, I remember being so excited about it and wanting to share with other people in my life at the time. And the reception being a little, I don't even know how to put it, just not warm at best. Yeah, just not what I was hoping that another person in my life would have been just as excited and wanted to dive in with me and move through those bettering ourselves together. And due to just wherever they were in life and their experiences and what they were going through, it just wasn't the response that I got. So when you're super excited about something and someone you care about is kind of like, meh, what do you do? It doesn't have to be, okay, that means that person's cut out of my life, right? There are definite shades of gray here. What can you do when you share your growth with somebody and their response is not what you expected? I guess that's what's the next step there then?
SPEAKER_00So just to cap off what I was saying before and then transition it to what you just asked. By choosing and being deliberate in the personal growth and development that you're doing, you can choose growth, you can choose development that enhances your life and your relationships. You can choose things that actually make it easier for you to maintain good relationships with the people that you love. You can bias what you're learning and growing in to actually uh make uh yourself closer. However, this is almost an inherency in personal development. This is not a huge industry. Okay. It is a huge industry, but it's a little bit of a niche thing.
SPEAKER_02What do you mean?
SPEAKER_00Most people are not super into personal growth and development.
SPEAKER_02No, I get that.
SPEAKER_00And but I No, but that is the big thing. This this is this is actually really important. If you are going to become passionate about personal growth and development, trust me, I am. Okay?
SPEAKER_01Yeah.
SPEAKER_00You have to accept that the mass majority of people in your life are not going to be.
SPEAKER_01Right.
SPEAKER_00And it's completely unworkable. I I pretty much covered this in a previous Q ⁇ A when somebody asked about how do you get your partner excited. It's completely unworkable to expect everyone else to be as excited about personal development as you might be. When I first got into personal growth and I tried to share it with you, I was like, You were like, Yeah, no, I'm fine. I'm too busy.
SPEAKER_02Oh, wait, hold on. Don't like the tone you gave me there.
SPEAKER_00It's true. At the time, you're like, stop pushing this on me. Because I made some of those early mistakes right when I got into it. And that doesn't breed anything besides annoyance and likely uh deliberate pushback.
SPEAKER_02Yeah.
SPEAKER_00You're trying to get me to do this, so now I won't, even if I was on the fence. So really, it's not the right approach. Model by doing these things.
Boundaries Without Weaponizing Growth
SPEAKER_02You can hold yourself to these new standards, but you can't be holding everyone else to the standards of everything that you're learning because they're not learning the same things as you I agree, but let's say you're learning something specific to improving an aspect of your relationship with a person that hasn't been going so well, and you discover this different frame of thinking about it or a different skill of how to approach things verbally that's that's better than how you were doing it, right? Something, some specific skill set that you're like, oh, this is awesome. This will really help. And you're not necessarily expecting the other person to get super into learning about it with you and you know, have the same passion. That's unreasonable. But you present like, hey, this is something that is really important to me that I want to implement into our relationship that I think would help and their resistance.
SPEAKER_00So this is very specific to a romantic relationship, what you're saying right now.
SPEAKER_02Yes, and no. It could also be a friendship, right? Like what if in patterns of a friendship you're like, hey, this has not really gone so well for us in the past. What if when we address a conflict or whatever, we, you know, I'm just trying to come up with some example. I think it could apply to even work relationships.
SPEAKER_00I guess we're getting a little in the weeds here of friendships are a little different. I guess you can set boundaries around friendships, but you also you can't dictate, I want us to communicate this way. And you need to use this verbiage. And it's it's that's more of a relationship thing for handling conflict.
SPEAKER_02And yeah, but conflict happens in friendships, in relationships, in work relationships, everything. And I think even yes, of course, you're not gonna pose it as, hey, we need to use this exact verbiage to handle conflict.
SPEAKER_00But if you learn some skill set that could be That's not so much about the skill set that mostly comes in when you're setting a boundary.
SPEAKER_02I suppose.
SPEAKER_00Let's say you're like, oh, we could communicate better as friends this way. You're not gonna be like, hey, now we're gonna communicate better as friends this way, because I learned this in this book. People are gonna be like, What? No, I'm just gonna be your friend normal. I don't know. It yeah, it's gonna come up, you know what I mean? Yeah, you you don't really dictate that type of thing unless there's a certain level of boundary setting or severity.
SPEAKER_02I I I okay, you're right. That would be more like setting a boundary. Let's say something's not going well in a work relationship, and you're like, hey, so moving forward, can we do it this way?
SPEAKER_00That would be more learning about boundaries is a personal development topic for sure. Right. And you can implement that. But once again, you have to be really careful. Like, I would say the biggest downfall of personal growth and development, and I don't see this talked about enough, is people learning all these things, feeling so self-actualized, and then changing their standards for other people. Now that they have raised their standards for themselves, they now are holding everyone else to this higher standard. And it's unfair to the people that haven't learned all of those same things. You're just going to that is a way to alienate people. If you're not careful, you can have personal growth alienate other people by the way that you're choosing to apply it. It's not on other people to change just because you read a book.
SPEAKER_02Right. Well, and I think it's also important to mention, which you and I have talked about, but I haven't heard as often as I think it should be addressed, is that yes, personal growth can be a very great thing. But when you take it and then you weaponize it or you take it too far, where now it's, oh, well, everything that isn't up to this new standard of how I handle things is now considered toxic. And then you start setting, like, oh, I'm just gonna cut this person out and cut whatever out. Can you take it to an extreme, not saying that it isn't healthy to cut people out at a certain point, but when you take it and run with it rather than finding the balance in the gray areas and reflecting it through it, it's super harmful. That can that can be you pushing people away rather than outgrowing people.
Redefining Relationships And Closing
SPEAKER_00This is why I'm so big on, probably annoyingly so, shades of gray. Because what I often find is missing in personal development, because it doesn't sell books. It's not sexy, is well, it's funny that I'm saying shades of gray isn't sexy after there was a whole book that was a whole 50 shades of gray. But but what I'm getting at is just saying, oh, well, it's somewhere in the middle. Oh, it's a balance, it's some of each isn't great marketing. It's not like bam, pow, here's the answer. Right. Five steps to fix your life. This thing will change every aspect of your that sells things. That's people like to hear that. They want the quick answer. And reality isn't like that, which is why it's been such a recurring theme that so many things have to be found in balance if they're going to be useful in personal development. You know? And that's why shades of gray is so important for it. You have to find the balance. Like you said, so many of these things can be weaponized. You can develop all of these things and then hold people to completely unrealistic standards and set a bunch of boundaries anytime somebody does anything a little bit wrong, and scrutinize everyone every time that they're not using the perfect perspective of reality, and anytime that they're doing something that's not in their locus of control. And oh, how could you let that muscle wither away when you were building it? All of this can be used negatively. And that's why it's such an important fundamental because it's truly the balancing fundamental of all of the others, is that lifelong learning through shades of gray.
SPEAKER_02Okay, just to keep us from really spiraling too far here, even though it is fascinating, and I really do enjoy the discussion on all of this, kind of trying to bring it back to the idea of growth and outgrowing people. We've discussed how growth is natural and normal and always happening. We've discussed how growth can bring you closer to people and naturally bring you further away from people. And we've discussed the importance of recognizing the shades of gray here. So, in that spirit, I do want to normalize that growing apart from someone is okay. And that doesn't necessarily mean the far extreme of, okay, yep, now they're just not in my life. And I cut them out and I move on. Outgrowing someone can also mean outgrowing what your relationship with them was and redefining what your relationship going forward with them is. You can still have a relationship with them that just looks different to be reflective of the growth that both of you have done, right? And I hear Dr. John Deloney talking about this a lot on his podcast. He's one of the people that I enjoy listening to. And he sort of takes this same frame that we are of hearing people's specific scenarios and giving them advice that can be most helpful for them. He'll often say, in terms of people discussing relationships and growing and trying to move forward, that sometimes growing closer to someone looks like understanding that what was is rebel and you need to just rebuild something new. And that can be outgrowing what was, but in the spirit of creating something better.
SPEAKER_00Sure. Yeah, no, it's really good stuff. Let me, I guess let me tie this, let me pull this all together so that this is unified and not three hours long.
SPEAKER_02Yeah.
SPEAKER_00So you and everyone else are constantly changing, whether you choose to or not. This hypothetical person, let's bring it back, who's new to personal development, listening to the podcast, but also other personal development, right? Mm-hmm. Is worried about outgrowing their loved ones. What do they do? First, they're going to have to come to terms with the fact that they can't guarantee that they won't. And that it might be okay that they do. Second, they are deliberately growing. And if they're listening to this podcast, they need to be using the five core fundamentals to shape that growth. They're going to be choosing what they're learning about, choosing what they're growing about, deliberately taking action, learning through curiosity and critical thinking and shades of gray thinking to grow in a way that is becoming who they want to be. And they can bias that growth towards things that are going to help grow their relationships and make them a better friend, a better partner, a better family member, coworker, whatever it happens to be, by developing the skills and traits that help that. And now that this person is on this personal development journey, they have to be a little careful about not just espousing this and annoying everyone. I'm not saying hide that you're doing personal growth or development. You can tell people that you listen to this podcast. You can tell people that you're enjoying a book. Just don't Preach to people. Don't tell people that they need to do personal development. Oftentimes that's actually a turnoff. It's almost like telling somebody they need therapy.
SPEAKER_02Yeah. When you first approached me about personal development, and I understand the intent was you're just so passionate about it and excited and wanted good to come to me, like it was for you. But the the impact was like, hey, you kind of need help. You're sort of messed up and you should do this. And there's something wrong with you, you know, instead of like, hey, I really want good things for you.
SPEAKER_00Right. And just like any other hobby, if you were really into gardening, not everyone's going to want to hear about or start their own garden. So you wouldn't push that on everyone else. This is like that, but coming with the baggage of it can be taken the wrong way.
SPEAKER_01Right.
SPEAKER_00Whereas a garden isn't like, oh, you think I don't eat healthy? People don't get defensive about it. So you really do need to be careful. You can bring up that you're doing it, but don't push it on other people. And then the last part is while you're doing it, use shades of gray. Don't weaponize these concepts. You can raise your own standards while maintaining normal standards for everyone else. In fact, you can even expand your compassion for everyone else while you raise your own standards for yourself, not necessarily for everyone around you, but still do things like have boundaries and take care of yourself.
SPEAKER_02Yeah. So with that said, that may lead naturally to closer relationships because you're growing in a healthy way and you're not pushing it or forcing it in a way that would pull you away from others.
SPEAKER_00By doing all of this, you are the most likely to maintain those. We can't guarantee it, but you're biasing things in a very positive way to maintain your most important relationships.
SPEAKER_02Right. And remember, it's okay if you do outgrow what your relationship with a person was. Both of us have had that happen with people in our life. And part of growing is also accepting that change leads to change. Right?
SPEAKER_00Yeah. Exactly. And remember, you are enough. And you deserve to fill up your inner cup with happiness, true confidence, and resilience. Thank you for listening to the Sage Solutions podcast. Your time is valuable. And I'm so glad that you choose to learn and grow here with me. If you haven't already, don't forget to subscribe so you don't miss out on more Sage advice. One last thing. The legal language. This podcast is for educational and informational purposes only. No coaching client relationship is formed. It is not intended as a substitute for the personalized advice of a physician, professional coach, psychotherapist, or other qualified professional.