Sage Solutions

Q&A #2: Podcasting, 5CF, Cats & Pragmatic Pessimism

• David Sage • Episode 59

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We return to a listener Q&A with a candid look at podcast craft, personal loss, and the mindset tools that help us heal without denying our feelings. We share how pragmatic optimism works in practice and when pessimism is the smarter move.

• real time cost of recording, editing, and prep
• why Tony Robbins shaped our coaching approach
• grief and shades of gray thinking in action
• using locus of control without invalidating pain
• mindful stoicism and feeling the waves
• pragmatic optimism as a default, not a mandate
• when pessimism improves plans, timing, and health
• small joys and mental health with Luffy and Ginny
• a lighthearted listener question to end

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The Sage Solutions Podcast and content posted by David Sage is presented solely for general informational, educational, and entertainment purposes. No coaching client relationship is formed by listening to this podcast. No Legal, Medical or Financial advice is being given. The use of information on this podcast or materials linked from this podcast or website is at the user's own risk. It is not intended as a substitute for the advice, diagnosis, or treatment of a psychotherapist, physician, professional coach, Lawyer or other qualified professional. Users should not disregard or delay in obtaining medical advice for any medical or mental health condition they may have and should seek the assistance of their healthcare professionals for any such conditions. The opinions of guests are their own and may not necessarily reflect the opinions of the podcast.

SPEAKER_00:

Welcome to the Sage Solutions podcast, where we talk about all things personal growth, personal development, and becoming your best self. My name is David Sage, and I am a self-worth and confidence coach with Sage Coaching Solutions. On this episode, we're going back to a format that we haven't done since, I think, episode 40. We've had some new questions come in, and I think it's about time that we do another QA episode. So I've been soliciting feedback, questions. We actually have a lot more questions than I'm going to be able to answer here today, but I'm going to try and get through a couple of them and hopefully I give you some satisfactory answers. But before we get into it, our goal with this podcast is to share free, helpful tools with you and anyone you know who is looking to improve their life. So take action. Subscribe and share this podcast with them. Let's start with our first question. How long does it take you to record and edit an episode on average? That's a good question. It definitely does depend on the episode and it has changed over time. Both the amount and the process in which I prep for an episode has changed over time. I both get more prepared ahead of time and do it in a smaller time frame than I used to. I think I've gotten a lot more efficient with how I prep for a podcast compared to when I first started. But I'm not really gonna include that in the time. But as far as actually recording an episode, it changes a lot based on the length of the episode. I would say the actual recording takes probably about twice as long as the length of the episode once it's put out. I would also say that it changes a decent amount more if I am doing the podcast with somebody else, whether it's a co-host like Anna or Hannah, or if I have a guest on, that changes it quite a bit. Editing is the portion of podcasting that takes up the largest period of time. Um how long editing takes is also a little bit dependent on whether I'm doing it or whether Anna's doing it, or some sort of a hybrid. Um but I would say editing a podcast takes, at least it takes me, about two to three times as long as it took to record it. Because you have to go through the entire audio. So the lowest it could possibly be is the amount of time that you spent recording it. But when you're going through and fixing sound quality issues, maybe the occasional repeated word, you know, typical editing things for better overall quality, that does take a reasonable portion of time. Especially when you first start editing. Um, it was it took me a lot longer than that at the beginning. So yeah. All in all, I would say the recording and editing process of an episode averages about six and a half times as long as the length of the finished episode. It's gonna range anywhere from about five times as long to eight times as long between the recording, any pauses, and editing and uploading. So for a 20-minute podcast episode, it may take anywhere from an hour and forty minutes to two hours and forty minutes when all things are said and done. Alright, let's move on to the next question. Who has been the most influential person to you? That's a hard question to answer. I've had a lot of very influential people in my life, and if I'm talking about my personal life, I don't know that I can really answer that question. Obviously, my parents have had a major effect on me. Um I've s my sister has had a major effect on me in the person that I am. My wife has, my best friend. It's hard to really pick one out of people in my actual life. So I'm gonna reinterpret the question in a way that I feel I can actually answer. So outside of people that I personally know, who has had the largest influence on my life or my coaching or my personal development? There are many people that I followed that I think are brilliant and I've learned tons of things from. But if I had to pinpoint the one person that I have learned the most from, it would be Mr. Anthony Robbins or uh Tony Robbins. For a combination of reasons, I think he is the GOAT. I think he's the greatest of all time. He is the highest paid, most successful coach in the world. Um he's a freak of nature. The way that he thinks about things is really, really something else. And it's part of why one of the coaching programs that I did was the Robins Madonna's coaching program, and I learned a ton from that. I learned a lot about the way that he handles things, and I think there's so many things that I use in my daily life, and that I use in my coaching and in this podcast that have come directly from Tony and the things that he teaches. He's somebody who has fundamentally changed the way that I think, and I don't think I would be nearly the coach that I am today without his influence. Alright, so on to the next question. You've talked about your five core fundamentals, and I really like them. I understand that our perspective creates our experience of reality, but what about when a tragedy or crisis happens that is entirely outside of our control? How do you apply your locus of control in a moment of pure shock and powerlessness to avoid descending into victimhood? This is a really interesting question because it's very pertinent to me and my life right now. For anyone who hasn't heard the episodes that talk about this, I recently lost my stepfather, John Azzalina. He passed as a result of a battle with stage four liver cancer. To answer this question, I'm actually gonna start with two of the core fundamentals that you didn't mention. First, we're gonna answer this entire question under the presumption that we're using lifelong learning in shades of gray through curiosity and critical thinking. I have found that even in a place of grief and loss, there are still major, even profound things that I have learned as a result of this situation. But more importantly, we're gonna have to operate throughout this whole answer using our ability to think in shades of gray. There are not right and wrong answers. Not really. It's going to be case by case, and we're gonna have to use some of the flexibility and balance that comes with shades of gray thinking. Second, I think a major, major fundamental, probably even more important than either of the ones that have been brought up in that question is that you are enough and you deserve to fill up your inner cup. One of the most important things that you can do in a powerful, shocking state of grief or loss is to take care of yourself, is to fill up your cup. Give yourself what you need, give yourself grace, acceptance, compassion, kindness, love. It's gonna hurt. And that's okay. Now on to the question Your perspective of reality has a major impact and shapes a huge portion of your experience of reality. But sometimes major things happen, and those things are objective and real, like the loss of a loved one. And frankly, no amount of framing or changing your perspective is going to make that loss, that pain not hurt. We have to use shades of gray thinking here and not get caught up in a dogmatic approach when it comes to our perspective. We need to give ourselves grace and compassion. Using your conscious perspective of reality is not always about being positive or optimistic or effective. This is a flexible fundamental that can embrace the other fundamentals because in a way they're all just perspectives that we can take. And while learning something from this might be helpful, it might be too painful to do that right away. I've found that I've had to really fall into mindful stoicism. There are times where I'm struggling and I just need to get things done. Like if I'm at work, and then I will enter more of a stoic mindset. Sometimes I just don't want to feel the pain. And that's an okay perspective to take. Sometimes I just want to forget about it and have fun. Sometimes I need to get a lot of things done, and I need to just buckle in and focus on what I'm doing. Those times are okay. But there are other times where I take a very mindful perspective, and when I feel a wave of grief coming and I'm in a position to be able to give myself that time and space, I'll let myself feel it. I'll ride that wave, cry, feel the pain, feel the loss, I'll miss him. And that's okay. What I'm getting at is that there isn't a right or wrong way to use your perspective of reality. It is heavily influenced by shades of gray thinking. We're going to use the balance and flexibility to use perspectives that make the most sense and are the most helpful to us in the moment. And sometimes that may not line up. We may not use the perspective that we want to, and we need to give ourselves grace and compassion because we're human. Now the second part of this question is also very interesting. When something terrible happens that is out of our control, it is very easy to fall into a place of victimhood. The question asks about how do we use our locus of control to stay away from being in a victim mindset. I think it's a subtle shift. We don't want to be in a victim mindset. But we also don't want to invalidate our feelings and loss surrounding it. Sometimes what's in our control is our ability to let ourselves. Sometimes what we just need to do is process that loss, but we can use our locus of control and focusing on what we can control to stop ourselves from spiraling, from catastrophizing, from wallowing and and falling into a pit of despair. It can help us relock in and focus on things that we can control, giving us power and agency so that we don't feel so powerless for this loss. Our locus of control is an incredibly powerful tool. But it shouldn't be used as a way of invalidating our feelings. It should be used as a powerful tool to help us regain some control and agency, to help out our loved ones and ourselves, to give ourselves a break from feeling and thinking about it when we need to, by shifting our focus, by directing our focus towards the self-care and compassion and grace that we may need. None of the core fundamentals have all of the answers, and not even the combination can solve something as painful and hurtful and lingering as loss and grief, or any other major negative thing. None of these are a cure all. Nothing I'm going to tell you on this podcast is a silver bullet. Nothing is magic. But a lot of it is helpful. Alright, I feel like I spent a pretty good amount of time on that one. Our next question is do you have any pets? Yes, I do have pets. Hannah and I have two cats. We have Luffy and Ginny. Luffy is like one and a half, I want to say, and he is kind of a chunky, fluffy boy. He is just a happy-go-lucky, very resilient, nothing really bothers him, little guy, but there's not a lot going on between those eyes. And then we have Ginny, who is very sharp, quick, graceful little princess of a cat. And she is um a thin, sleek cat who has a lot of personality. She is bothered by a lot of things, but she is also weirdly like the cuddlier one. Um and they are like Hannah's everything. I love the cats. I think they are wonderful, they are a part of our family, and they definitely improve my mental health. Uh, we have a little bit of a his and hers cats situation. Luffy is obsessed with Hannah, and Ginny is kind of obsessed with me. But yeah, we love our cats. Okay, next question. I really like your concept of pragmatic optimism. It's powerful. But does embracing it mean that we have to constantly be happy or even like suppress our negative emotions? Can you explain the pragmatic or realistic way of dealing with feelings like sadness or grief without letting them erode our overall optimism? Okay, so this is another really interesting question. And it allows me an opportunity to explain a couple things about pragmatic optimism a little bit more in depth. To be clear, I am advocating for pragmatic optimism as a general default. Pessimism is not necessarily a bad thing. You can still utilize pessimism as a tool. What I'm suggesting is that we use pragmatic optimism as our default and that we will have a happier, healthier, and more successful life as a result of it. But that doesn't mean you have to be happy and optimistic all of the time. In fact, I do think that there are times that pessimism makes more sense. I think taking an optimistic point of view to somebody who is going through a very painful thing in the moment is generally a poor choice. Because it can feel like you are minimizing the pain that they feel, like you are making their feelings not valid. It it can border on toxic positivity. While I do think finding, you know, silver linings here and there can be a helpful part of it. It's very important that you are validating their emotions and their feelings because those are valid. It's not helpful to constantly be positive. Similar to pragmatic optimism, I think it is much better to have positivity be your default, and I think there are a lot of reasons for that. Just like anything else, you need to apply shades of gray. I think another area where optimism is actually not the more helpful thing is in planning. I think if you are planning for a trip or an outing, you should actually start with a pragmatic pessimism. What is everything that could go wrong? I believe there's a term for it. It's called Murphy's Law. Anything that can go wrong will. So operate as if Murphy's Law was true and try and mitigate anything that's realistically possible that can go wrong will actually cause much better planning. Some companies do this, it's called red teaming. Um, so I think realistic, pragmatic pessimism can have some use in planning situations. In fact, another area where I feel optimism is not the right choice is in timing. It's in planning for something to not be late. I think this is one of optimism's weakest points, and it's something I struggle horribly with. I am not good at this. It's easy to take an optimistic outlook about getting somewhere on time. And the problem with that is then you are not planning for any of the things that could go wrong. Now, you can be pragmatic about it, but I think it's honestly just more beneficial to take that Murphy's Law pessimism approach because it will get you there on time. It will make sure that you're not late. And depending on what the thing that you might be late for is, any mild negatives of being a pessimist in that situation are wildly outweighed by the fact that it will get you there on time. So I think when it comes to time management, it makes sense to be a realistic pessimist. On a similar note, while optimism is overall more beneficial for our general health and stress levels, I do believe that a little pragmatic pessimism when it comes to making health care decisions can be a useful outlook to flip to. Similar to planning, this is where you're using like a realistic Murphy's Law style approach of not just assuming everything will always be fine with your health, of using the pessimism to come up with all of the negative things that could happen, mitigating all of these negatives, and then we flip back to a pragmatic optimism and believe that we can take care of them by doing screenings and things within our control, within our locus of control, to take care of our health, to go to the doctor, to find things early so that we can do something about them. So I do think that there is some utility to flipping back and forth between some of these things. I even think idealism, like idealistic optimism, can be a very helpful thing for creativity and for ingenuity. It might not be realistic because it hasn't been figured out yet, and I think idealism can also be a major source of inspiration. But pragmatic optimism is going to mitigate many of the negatives that come from an idealistic optimism and give you all of the benefits of being a in-general optimist, of being the type of person that attracts other people to you, that has a positive outlook, that brightens people's day. And optimists tend to be more successful, tend to have better health, and overall tend to be happier. All of those things are things we want. And as we covered, it can be learned, it can be practical, it can be realistic, and when we combine all of those things, that's how we come to pragmatic optimism as our default, as our general operating system, so that we have a happier, healthier, more successful life. So, in short, no, I don't believe that you have to be happy or positive or even optimistic all of the time. I think selective use of pragmatic pessimism can also be very useful, whether it be for time planning, whether it be for planning for a trip, or even for if you're planning for your health. But as we covered in our previous episode titled Pragmatic Optimism, it is clearly the most beneficial to be a pragmatic optimist as our default outlook. And for our final question, we have a true gem. And I quote, why does God still give me acne as a 31-year-old man? And am I legally allowed to punch him for it when I die? I just enjoyed this question too much to not include it. So um I am wholly not qualified to answer this question. Um, we also stay a religious, but um I think once you die the law doesn't really have anything to do with it. And uh I think that's between you and God. So uh good luck with that one. Well, thank you for tuning in. I hope you enjoyed our Q ⁇ A episode. Uh I certainly did. And remember, you are enough, and you deserve to fill up your inner cup with happiness, true confidence, and resilience. Thank you for listening to the Sage Solutions podcast. Your time is valuable, and I'm so glad you choose to learn and grow here with me. We'd love to hear more of your feedback, and if you have more questions, feel free to send them in. One easy way to do it is to click the link in the description below and let us know what you think. If you haven't already, don't forget to subscribe so you don't miss out on more Sage advice. One last thing. The Legal Language. This podcast is for educational and informational purposes only. No coaching client relationship is formed. It is not intended as a substitute for the personalized advice of a physician, professional coach, psychotherapist, or other qualified professional.