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Reframing Your Reality: The Ultimate Mind Hack
Mental framing might be the most powerful tool you never knew you had. David Sage delves into this cornerstone of psychological strength that allows you to take back control of your life by simply changing the lens through which you view your circumstances.
We've all experienced days where everything seems to go wrong—spilled coffee, traffic jams, frustrating emails—and it's easy to spiral into negativity. But what if you could completely transform your experience not by changing these often unchangeable circumstances, but by changing how you view them? That's the power of framing.
Through vivid metaphors involving camera angles, picture frames, and eyeglasses, David explains how framing works and why it matters so much to our daily experience. He distinguishes between objective reality and our perspective of it—making clear that while we don't create reality, we absolutely create our experience of it through the stories we tell ourselves. The episode walks you through a practical three-step process for cognitive reframing: catching negative frames, challenging them, and creating empowering alternatives. You'll learn specific questions to ask yourself that instantly shift your perspective from victimhood to agency.
David backs these techniques with compelling scientific research showing how reframing literally changes brain activity, decreasing emotional reactivity while increasing rational thinking. Through a detailed example of reframing job loss, you'll see exactly how to apply these principles to even the most challenging life circumstances.
Ready to transform your life by mastering the art of framing? Subscribe to the Sage Solutions Podcast for more powerful tools that help you become your best self, and share this episode with anyone who might benefit from learning how to change their frame and change their world.
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Welcome to the Sage Solutions Podcast, where we talk about all things personal growth, personal development and becoming your best self. My name is David Sage and I am a self-worth and confidence coach with Sage Coaching Solutions. I'm so glad that you've chosen to invest this time in yourself today. Have you ever had one of those days where everything just seems to go wrong? You spill your coffee on your shirt, you hit every single red light on your commute and the very first email that greets you is just a frustrating one. It feels like the universe has a personal vendetta against you. It's easy to spiral into a mood that taints the rest of the day. Now, legitimately, all those things suck. Nobody wants to have their day start like that. However, are the conclusions that we just drew from the events that happened a fact, or are there other conclusions that we could come to, Other ways of seeing it, another perspective of reality? I'm here to tell you that it's not the events themselves that hold the ultimate power, but how you choose to see them. Selves that hold the ultimate power, but how you choose to see them. What if you could shift your entire experience of life, not by changing your often unchangeable circumstances, but simply by changing the lens through which you view them, and that is exactly what we're covering today. We're talking about a cornerstone of psychological strength called framing and how you can use it to take back control of your perspective and, ultimately, of your entire life. This isn't denying reality and living in your own little world. It's about strategic thinking which is realistic, practical and pragmatic. Welcome to framing. But before we get into it, our goal with this podcast is to share free, helpful tools with you and anyone you know who is looking to improve their life. So take action, subscribe and share this podcast with them.
Speaker 1:What exactly is framing? In the simplest terms, framing is the story we tell ourselves about what's happening. It's the mental filter that information passes through before we form a judgment about it. Sound familiar? Think of it like a picture frame. The very same photograph can look dramatically different depending on the picture frame that you use. Is it in a cheap, cracked plastic frame or a beautiful, ornate wood one? In a cheap, cracked plastic frame or a beautiful, ornate wood one? The picture itself hasn't changed, but the frame transforms our perception of its value and meaning. But the power of framing has a much greater effect than a picture frame does on a picture.
Speaker 1:Let's take a look at another use of the word frame the glasses that somebody wears. They put the lenses into a frame right. So the frames or the lenses, the glasses that you're wearing, dramatically changes how you see the same object. It is the lens in which you are using that can either make things much more clear that seemed hazy or they can actually make things much more blurry if you were already seeing it clear. A positive or helpful frame or a negative or unhelpful frame can work, just like these glasses can work, just like these glasses.
Speaker 1:Another helpful way that we can visualize a mental frame is the actual taking of a picture with a camera. Certain things are inside of that picture, inside of the frame. When you zoom in, it's focusing on a specific area, making that much bigger and cutting out a whole bunch of the frame. When you zoom out, you actually see much more of the picture, much more of reality and what's around, while not focusing on or hyper-focusing on a specific detail. If you turn around with the same camera, you'll be taking a picture of something completely different while standing in the same spot. And even after you take the picture, if it's taken from your phone, you can put filters on it to make it look different or give it a totally different vibe. You can crop it, you can zoom in, you can change small details, you can add a story or a caption that explains it. Then print that picture, put it in a picture frame a really nice one to give it a very different look, and then wear glasses that make it much clearer.
Speaker 1:Mental framing is that powerful. This is the reason that mental framing is the most powerful tool that we have to change our conscious perspective of reality, while it's not the only one. For instance, looking at the same tree from on the ground versus from the top of a building gives you a very different perspective of the same thing. Framing is easily the number one tool for reshaping our perspective of reality. Reality is reality. It is objective and real. If we are describing things in true, factual statements, we are taking away the judgments and just reporting the facts. Reality is reality. You do not create your own reality, with the exception of the fact that the choices you make and the actions you take have an effect on the outer world and, in a small way, do create your reality.
Speaker 1:And if you remember from way back at the beginning of this podcast. The first core, fundamental that I covered was about our perspectives of reality and how our perspective shapes the mass majority of our experience of reality. Now, some of our perspective is unconscious and outside of our control. Though we can shift and slowly shape that as well. The largest part of our control of our experience of reality is our conscious perspective. Your perception of reality is primarily influenced by your perspective of reality, and the biggest factor in your perspective of reality are the lenses, the frames that you see it through, the angle, the shot, the zoom, the lenses of your eyes, the glasses, the filters and even the emotional state from which you're viewing it, and especially the stories you tell yourself about it.
Speaker 1:Framing is the primary tool that we use to adjust our conscious perspective of reality. So to rein it back in here, I'm going to use one of the most classic examples of framing. There's a glass of water. 50% of the glass has water in it. This is an objective statement. Now tell me, is that glass half empty or half full? This is the perfect everyday example of framing. It's the same amount of water, but your perspective on it, your frame, changes everything about how you feel about that class.
Speaker 1:One frame suggests scarcity and loss, while the other suggests abundance and opportunity. Now this frame is often oversimplified into optimism and pessimism, which we will do a full, deep dive on in a future episode. Now I'm sure some of you are saying, yeah, that's nice and all, but it sounds a little too simple to make a real difference. But the reality is our brains are wired for efficiency. They create these mental shortcuts what psychologists call cognitive biases to process the immense amount of information that we encounter. Very often, these default shortcuts lead us to frame things in a negative light without us even realizing it. We have a negativity bias a tendency to focus on what we've lost rather than what we've gained, to ruminate on a single criticism while ignoring praise, or to catastrophize a minor setback into a major, life-altering disaster. This causes us to pay twice as much attention to negative information as positive information. Now, I am personally thankful for this. It's easy to get upset about our cognitive biases, because they often don't serve us in our modern day, but we wouldn't be alive if they didn't exist. We survived because of them.
Speaker 1:We will also be doing an episode, or episodes, on our different cognitive biases, because being aware of our conscious biases helps us overcome them. So let's go back to that frustrating email and notice how our negativity bias affects the way we view it. The default unexamined frame might be something like this is a disaster, my boss is clearly unhappy with my work, I'm probably going to get in trouble and now my whole day, maybe my whole week is ruined. This negative frame is a recipe for stress, anxiety and demotivation. It's a passive frame where you're the victim of your circumstances and you're giving in to an external locus of control.
Speaker 1:Now this is where I want to remind you you are not your thoughts. You have thoughts that aren't indicative of who you are all the time. You are the consciousness that experiences your thoughts, and not just that. Your thoughts are primarily framed as stories, or another way of looking at it is that your frame is usually the story that you're telling yourself about an event. Our brains are meaning-making machines and we are wired for narrative. We constantly tell ourselves stories about our lives and the things that happen in them to help us make sense of the world. So I'm talking to you, the consciousness, who's listening to this podcast. What if we pause and consciously reframe it? What if we decide to see it as okay?
Speaker 1:This email contains some direct feedback. It might not feel good to hear, but this is a clear opportunity for me to understand what's expected and to improve my skills. It is a challenge, yes, but I am fully capable of handling challenges and growing from them. I've done it before and I can do it now. Can you feel the difference? Can you feel the difference? The email is the same. The words on the screen haven't changed, but by consciously choosing a more positive and empowering frame, we've shifted our entire emotional and mental state. We've moved from a position of victimhood to one of agency and control.
Speaker 1:Now, just as it is in real framing, the actual thing that you're taking a picture of, seeing or putting a frame around, makes a difference, and what I'm not advocating for is denying reality, believing that you can create it and anything is what you believe it to be, or looking at a totally different picture altogether. We're not living in our own little world here. We're shifting the way that we see it and the way that we experience it, which is why framing isn't about toxic positivity or ignoring reality. It's not about pretending the negative events are actually good. Denial and lying to yourself are actually very disempowering and they often disconnect you from other people in the real world, we still have to acknowledge and accept a reality. But remember reality plays a much smaller role than perspective in your experience of life.
Speaker 1:Mental framing is about consciously choosing the most empowering and useful interpretation of that reality. It's about asking yourself a pivotal question what's a more useful way to look at this? This concept is beautifully captured in a quote by the novelist Marcel Proust, who wrote the real voyage of discovery consists not in seeking new landscapes, but in having new eyes. That's what we're doing here developing new eyes to see our existing lives. By using our mind's eye, we are taking control of the frame that we see it through. So how do we start becoming more intentional with our framing and develop these new eyes? Here are a few practical, step-by-step techniques that we can start using today. These are often called cognitive reframing techniques.
Speaker 1:First, and this is the non-negotiable first step, catch the negative frame. You cannot change a thought pattern that you aren't aware of. It starts with awareness, which is really the essence of your being being more conscious. You are the observer of your life. You cannot change a thought pattern that you aren't aware of. You have to become a detective of your own mind. Start paying close attention to your automatic self-talk. When you face a setback, what's the very first story you tell yourself? Just observe and listen to it. Don't judge it. Don't try and fix it immediately. Just notice it. Right now we're building awareness. A great way to build this muscle if you have the time is to keep a thought journal. Whenever you feel a strong negative emotion anxiety, anger, sadness take a moment to write down the situation and the precise thoughts running through your head. After a few days, you'll start to see your personal patterns, your go-to negative frames.
Speaker 1:Second, challenge the frame. Once you've caught a negative frame, it's time to put it on trial. Interrogate it. Ask yourself is this thought 100%, objectively true? Is there any other possible way to look at this situation? What evidence do I have against this thought? And my personal favorite, what would I tell a dear friend or family member if they were in the exact same situation and said this to me? It can be truly amazing how much more compassionate and rational we are with our friends than with ourselves.
Speaker 1:So let's take the disempowering thought. I'm a complete failure because I made a mistake in that presentation. Alright, challenge it directly. Is one mistake really the definition of your entire worth and identity. Has anyone in history ever been perfect? Of course not. A more accurate and empowering frame or story would be. I'm a human who made a mistake, and that's okay. Everyone makes mistakes. In the grand scheme of things, this is just one data point, not a verdict. I'll learn from this and make my next presentation even stronger. By shifting from shaming yourself and making yourself frankly feel like crap to giving yourself some grace and building a plan for succeeding better in the future, you've challenged that negative thought with a much more helpful and empowering one.
Speaker 1:So here we move on to our third step creating a new empowering frame by changing the story that we tell ourselves. It makes all the difference. This is the active, creative part. You've dismantled the old, faulty frame and now you build a new one that serves you better. Here are a few powerful reframing questions to get you started. What can I learn from this? This immediately shifts your focus from the pain of the failure to the promise of growth. What's the hidden opportunity in this challenge? This helps you see the potential upside.
Speaker 1:In a difficult situation, a project cancellation might open up time for something more important. What am I grateful for? Even in this moment, gratitude is one of the fastest ways to shift your frame. Even on a tough day, finding one small thing that you can be grateful for can break a negative spiral. In five years will this matter? This time travel question helps you gain a much wider perspective and reduces the emotional intensity of the present moment. And for those of you who might still be skeptical, it's important to know that this isn't something that I'm just making up.
Speaker 1:This is backed by robust scientific research. A leading researcher in this field, dr James J Gross from Stanford University, has conducted numerous studies on what is scientifically known as cognitive reappraisal and more commonly known as reframing. The findings are fascinating. When people are taught to reframe a negative situation, it doesn't just make them feel better. It actually changes their brain activity. Using fMRI scans, studies show that cognitive reframing increases activity in the prefrontal cortex, which is the part of our brain responsible for reasoning and self-control. Simultaneously, it decreases activity in the amygdala, which is the brain's emotional alarm system. By reframing, you are literally causing your higher-level thinking brain to calm your primal reactive brain. The research also shows that people who regularly use these techniques have lower rates of depression, better relationships and show greater resilience in the face of stress. It is a scientifically validated tool for a better life.
Speaker 1:Let's put this into practice with one final and unfortunately common scenario. This with one final and unfortunately common scenario. I've just been laid off from my job. The initial devastating and very common frame usually goes something like this my life is over, I've been rejected, I'm not good enough. How will I ever recover? Why am I such a screw up? If I would have worked just a little bit harder, I wouldn't have been the one who was laid off. It's all my fault. Now I'm going to play this out how I would in reality.
Speaker 1:First, I'm going to be really upset Understandably so, when you hear really really crappy news like this. It's human to feel upset, it's normal, it's healthy, and so I'm going to start by allowing myself to feel the emotions surrounding this loss. The first part I'm going to challenge are the self-shaming parts. I don't need to blame myself. Layoffs happen to people all over the world and they're usually totally out of your control. I'm going to give myself grace and compassion, and one of the ways that you give yourself grace is by allowing yourself to be present with your emotions. When you have those strong emotions come After, I've given myself a reasonable amount of time to actually feel and experience the natural emotions that I'm having surrounding this, without shaming myself and making space for grace and compassion. I can step into the reframing process.
Speaker 1:First, remember that I am the consciousness who experiences my life. I am an awareness and therefore I can bring my present conscious awareness to my thoughts, to my frame, to the story that I'm telling myself surrounding this event. In the Perspectives of Reality episode, we talked about using a psychological anchor to help keep yourself grounded in a tough situation. For me, that's remembering that Viktor Frankl could even feel lucky in a concentration camp. It helps me remember that this isn't the end of the world and puts me in a prime situation to challenge the story that I'm telling myself. Is this really the worst thing that could ever happen? Was I personally rejected? Is my life over? Does this mean that I am not good enough, that me, the one experiencing this event, doesn't have value? Is it really true that I will never recover? I existed before this job and my life wasn't in shambles. I've switched jobs before and my life didn't end. Now that I've challenged the disempowering frame the disempowering frame I can replace it with one of several more empowering frames, so let's consciously reframe it, giving ourselves time and grace.
Speaker 1:We could use a learning frame. This job taught me a lot about the skills and processes needed to do it. I improved in my ability to work with other people and I get to take all of those skills forward with me in the future to find a position that's an even better fit. The opportunity frame Multiple. Other times that I've left the job I ended up with an even better one. This is just a catalyst. I've been wanting to explore a new industry or start my own business or go back to school. This is just the push that I needed. A gratitude frame I'm honestly grateful for the stable income that I had and I'm grateful for the friends that I made. Now I have a chance for a new beginning, possibly a higher income and an opportunity to make even more friends and learn new skills.
Speaker 1:Can you feel the profound shift in energy and possibility? That is the power that you hold. We can now take this new empowering frame which, by the way, has changed both our focus and our language two of the emotional state change levers that we talked about in last episode and compound that by changing our physiology, getting our heart rate up, changing our physical stance, our body, our breathing, our temperature, something to shock us into a different emotional state. By combining all three levers, we can now change our state to a much more functional and productive one to match or create congruence with the frame that we've created. My next step would be to focus on my locus of control. No amount of pleading or begging is going to change the fact that this happened to me. I'm going to let go of what I can't control and focus on what I can Start looking at new opportunities, doing what I can, learning, educating myself. This is why the most powerful synergy comes from combining focusing on our locus of control with taking control of our conscious perspective, with framing.
Speaker 1:This isn't just a one-and-done fix. It is a mental muscle. You wouldn't go to the gym once and expect to be fit for life. Framing is a daily skill, something that we have the opportunity to use in many, many different situations, which means it's easy to make this a daily conscious practice, and if you do this with consistency, you can rewire your brain's default settings. You'll find yourself much more resilient, more optimistic and more fundamentally in control of your own happiness, and the default stories that you tell yourself will be much more empowering as well.
Speaker 1:If you're looking for somewhere to start, then let's start with this. Pick one reoccurring negative thought or situation in your life. If you're looking for somewhere to start, then let's start with this. Pick one reoccurring negative thought or situation in your life Just one. Become a scientist of your own mind. Observe your current frame, challenge its validity and then intentionally craft a new, more empowering narrative. Write it down on a sticky note, put it on your bathroom mirror, say it out loud, do whatever it takes to make this new frame your new reality.
Speaker 1:Well, that's all I have for you today here on the Sage Solutions Podcast. If you found this episode helpful and want to support our mission, I'd be so grateful if you'd take 30 seconds to leave a rating or a review on your favorite podcast platform. This is the single best way that you can help us reach more people who are already taking control of their lives. You hold the frame and therefore you hold the power. Go out there and create a masterpiece. Go out there and create a masterpiece and remember you are enough and you deserve to fill up your inner cup with happiness, confidence and self-compassion. Thank you for listening to the Sage Solutions Podcast. Your time is valuable and I'm so glad that you choose to learn and grow here with me. If you haven't already, don't forget to subscribe so you don't miss out on more Sage advice. One last thing the legal language. This podcast is for educational and informational purposes only. No coaching client relationship is formed. It is not intended as a substitute for the personalized advice of a physician, professional coach, psychotherapist or other qualified professional.