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When Time Becomes Precious - A Terminal Diagnosis Journey: Featuring John Azzolina (Part 1)
This episode is Part 1 of a 2-part Interview with John Azzolina.
What happens when your entire world changes in an instant? John Azzolina, my stepfather and one of the most influential people in my life, received a terminal liver cancer diagnosis at age 50 despite feeling completely healthy. The disconnect between feeling fine while facing mortality creates what John calls a "mindfuck" – perhaps the only word that accurately captures such a surreal experience.
John's journey began with routine bloodwork showing slightly elevated liver enzymes, quickly escalating to emergency surgery for a tumor growing from his liver toward his heart. His story unfolds with raw honesty as he describes losing 44 pounds during a five-week hospital stay, undergoing treatments that initially showed promise before the cancer adapted, and navigating the complex emotions of knowing his condition is terminal while still feeling physically well.
Beyond the medical details, this conversation reveals profound insights about human resilience. John discusses how his childhood, athletic background, and previous experience losing his father to cancer shaped his approach to his diagnosis. With remarkable candor, he shares how his extensive support network – his partner of 15 years, lifelong friends dating back to kindergarten, and extended family – provide the strength to face each day. Most touching is John's determination to "prove everyone wrong" by surviving beyond his prognosis, even if just by a day.
This deeply moving episode captures not just a cancer journey, but a powerful testament to facing life's greatest challenges with dignity, humor, and love. Whether you've been touched by cancer or simply want to understand how to embrace life more fully, John's perspective will transform how you think about time, relationships, and what truly matters. Listen to part one of this special two-part conversation, and join us next week Tuesday as we continue exploring John's remarkable story.
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Welcome to the Sage Solutions Podcast, where we talk about all things personal growth, personal development and becoming your best self. My name is David Sage and I am a self-worth and confidence coach with Sage Coaching Solutions. Today, we have a very special episode, an episode that I've been waiting to do for a while with a very special person. This is possibly the most powerful episode of the Sage Solutions podcast that we will ever record, at least for me, and I just want to give a little bit of a warning that we're going to be talking about some sensitive topics, and for anyone that is going through or has had a close loved one go through a cancer diagnosis, this might be a little bit of a triggering episode. I would also like to clarify that this episode is part one of our two-part interview with John Azalina about his experience with cancer and the insights that he's learned. That he's learned Before we get into it. Our goal with this podcast is to share free, helpful tools with you and anyone you know who is looking to improve their life, so take action, subscribe and share this podcast with them.
Speaker 1:Today's guest is somebody that I love and care about deeply, and he is someone that has been a major part of my life for about 15 years now.
Speaker 1:While he isn't technically my stepfather, I've considered him that for a long time now.
Speaker 1:I've been lucky enough to have a bonus parent in my life, one that has taught me so many things about the world and how to become a man.
Speaker 1:In fact, I would not be the person that I am today without the lessons that he has taught me and without the major influence that he's had on my life. He's always had a little bit of a tough guy, italian bravado, but, to be fair, he always had the muscle to back it up. He is a combination of one of the strongest individuals I've ever met, fiercely loyal and protective of the people he loves, while also being one of the softest and most caring people anyone could meet. He's that guy that's there for you in the middle of the night, and not just for his family, but for his friends too. I learned so many lessons about how to have a good relationship by watching the relationship that you and my mom have, and I truly don't believe that my marriage would be what it is today if it weren't for you. I would never believe that my marriage would be what it is today if it weren't for you. So everyone, please welcome my stepfather, john Azalina.
Speaker 2:Good afternoon, david. Thank you for having me on today. I appreciate everything. I've been following your podcast from the beginning and you've been doing an amazing job. I also want to acknowledge the fact that this is going to be difficult for me, as well as everyone else my loved ones that are listening you, the audience. It's going to be very difficult for me because I feel I'm the most vulnerable I've ever been in my life. I was scared in the beginning to even come on. I'm doing this, hopefully, to help anyone else in their situation, whether it be the person being diagnosed with terminal cancer or their loved ones. If I can help one person, then my job is done.
Speaker 1:Well, thank you for that, John. So we've already alluded to it. But why don't we take a step back and, uh, why don't you walk them through your diagnosis and your situation and a little bit, or at least the the broad strokes of the journey that you've been on? We can get into the the deeper parts of it in a bit, just so that people have the context of what you're going through right now.
Speaker 2:So I'm going to take you back to 2024, everything leading up to my diagnosis. I'm 50 years old at the time. I changed doctors so they wanted to establish some kind of baseline. They ran blood work At that particular time. They said my liver enzymes were slightly elevated. I had asked should I be concerned? They said no, it's very normal. So a few weeks went by. I hadn't heard anything. My better half, which is David's mom, she had asked you know, have you gotten the results? I said no. She are you sure? I said no, I haven't. I'd let you know. A few more weeks go by, they wanted to get an ultrasound on me. The original doctor appointment was June 6th.
Speaker 1:Okay.
Speaker 2:And then we proceeded on with an ultrasound. They came back, said they saw some fatty tissue. Should I be concerned? They said no. I said okay. So we continued on.
Speaker 2:A few weeks went by and they wanted to get a CAT scan. That's when it became real and the doctor made me aware of the situation. He didn't know exactly at that time and I conveyed that to David's mom, laura. We weren't sure of what it was going to be or what the situation was. A few weeks go by and the doctor calls me and he wants me to get a complete CAT scan of my whole abdomen area. And this is August 7th. He goes I need you to do that right away. So I scheduled that for the next morning.
Speaker 2:August 8th Went in, got a CAT scan of everything. He put a stat on it which means he wants the results ASAP. He calls me about noon. I ask him can I put you on hold and bring in my better half? He goes that would probably be a good idea. So I bring in Laura on the call. It's a three-way call between me, the doctor and Laura, and he alludes to the C-word. Everyone hates to hear it C-word's cancer. He tells me pack a bag, you've got to go to the emergency room right now. I said what he goes you need to go now. So we go to the emergency room. They determine that they have a better facility through Aurora at St Luke's, so they put me in an ambulance and take me to St Luke's Now. Mind you, throughout this whole time all these doctors, appointments and everything I feel normal. I don't have any pain anywhere. Everything's from my perspective. I'm fine, right, I you know. And even while I'm going there, I'm like do they even have the right person? Are they looking at the right charts? I feel fine.
Speaker 1:Right, I'm sure this whole thing, especially feeling fine and having it escalate and escalate, was a bit of a mindfuck for you.
Speaker 2:I've been using that phrase, david, for God knows how long. Even right now I'm not in pain. It's a mindfuck. Yes, it has been.
Speaker 2:If I was in pain it would make it real. I'm lucky, I'm not. I thank the Lord and the fact that I'm not. So I've been lucky that way. Going back to the timeline, I was diagnosed August 8th of 2024 with terminal liver cancer. My initial reaction obviously it was the defense mechanism. I'm cracking jokes trying to make light of the situation. My brother was not happy with me. He's like this isn't a joke. I'm like I know. This is the only way I know how to right now cope with everything.
Speaker 1:And right around this time slightly before in the timeline, when they first found out and there were a bit more unknowns going on I was babysitting our niece and nephew with my wife, hannah, and about a week maybe two weeks before this phone call, I had been giving my mom a hard time because, for those of you who remember the episode that we had with my mom, laura Sage, on mindfulness, she is a pretty incredible person. In addition to being really really adept at mindfulness, she is a rock. She is the type of person who everyone leans on. She's kind of the epitome of a mindful stoic who uses which strategy is best for the time, and her and I are similar in that way. I was poking fun at her kind of telling her hey, you're always there for everyone, but if you ever need someone to talk to, you can always lean on me.
Speaker 1:And so I got a call from my mom and her voice was wavering and I said hey, how's it going? What's up? And she said you know how. You said if I needed to talk, you were there for me. I said yeah, of course. What do you need?
Speaker 1:And then I just heard her voice break and she said John has terminal cancer. And then I heard her cry and I kind of froze up a bit and I said, okay, tell me what you know. And she said there are a lot of unknowns. Right now I'm paraphrasing just a tiny bit because I don't remember the exact wording, but she told me that there was terminal cancer in the liver and possible cancer in the colon, possible cancer in the lungs, possible cancer in the pancreas and a tumor going up the blood vessel from the liver towards the heart, as well as cirrhosis of the liver.
Speaker 1:I didn't know how to respond. I was in a state of shock. But I talked to her, asked her whatever she needed. She just told me how much it hurt and she said he's my person. I said I know, I know I love him too. I know I love him too. And from that point we spent a lot of time going to the hospital visiting with John. I got this phone call when they were sending him to the emergency room and I'm going to let John pick back up in the story when they were sending him to the emergency room. And I'm going to let John pick back up in the story, but I just wanted to stress that especially right at that beginning there was a heck of a lot going on all at the same time and a lot of unknowns.
Speaker 2:So I'm going to pick back up here. August 8th, when I'm sitting in the hospital, I'm listening to several different doctors come in and out and give their expert opinions on what's going on. I heard several different. Are you having troubles breathing? Are you in pain? None of those applied to me. The biggest one are you having troubles breathing? Are you in pain? None of those applied to me. The biggest one are you having troubles breathing?
Speaker 2:Everyone kept asking that and the biggest reason they were asking that, as David had alluded to, they found a tumor that was growing in my vein, from my liver to my heart. The doctor pretty much said he didn't know how I was even standing there, the situation it was always real, if that makes sense. But that particular day everything got more real. He was shocked. I was even alive. So then I had a decision to make. Obviously, as we've discussed here my situation's terminal, they gave me possibly two years. At this point my goal is I'm going to try and just prove everyone wrong, whether that be two years and one day I got a little fight in me left. The biggest obstacle I had to go through was if I was going to allow him to cut me open and remove the tumor in the vein. That was the most life-threatening situation. I was scared. I was very scared. I didn't want to die in the hospital.
Speaker 1:Given the situation and the specifics with his liver, it was a high-risk surgery.
Speaker 2:Yeah, david's being very generous, One of the doctors that was on the surgery team. Him and I were in the room after everyone had left that evening and I had asked him I go, do you have kids? He said yeah, I go, would you do it? He didn't answer me. A few minutes went by and then I acknowledged I go, I appreciate the answer. He goes. I didn't say anything. I go. Your lack of answering me I go gave me the answer I needed. This was no joke. When the doctor described the surgery he was going to do, I literally asked him I go, have you done this before? Because it sounds crazy. And he goes yeah, I go. You seem a little arrogant. He goes no, I'm confident. I wanted to hear that out of my surgeon. I'm not going to lie. Yeah, he did a great job. I'm not going to lie.
Speaker 2:I spent five weeks in that hospital going through my own things that occurred after the surgery. I had 1.75 liters of fluid that built up around my heart. They removed that. My heart got to one night almost 200. They shocked me in order to get everything back. If that didn't work, they were running out of options. So at the end I was getting for lack of better terms. I had to get out of there. I couldn't do it anymore, and if that meant me leaving and God forbid not being around, I had to. I couldn't take much more being in the hospital the way the situation was. I just didn't want to die there per se.
Speaker 1:So no, being in the hospital for a very extended period of time, like that was. We all saw how hard it was on your mental health and I haven't been in that situation so I can only imagine. But it's not exactly a fun scenery. It's not exactly a there's not much to do and you're laid up in a bed and, honestly, we were all just praying for you to be able to come home. I also want to stress that it really was a roller coaster while he was in the hospital.
Speaker 1:Every time we would get good news, like there isn't cancer in the colon. You know there isn't cancer in the colon. You know obviously an upside. And then there would be bad news like you have at max, six months to live if you don't do this surgery. And then there would be good news like there's actually no cancer in the pancreas, and then there would be bad news, like there is cancer in the lungs. Needless to say, this is something that it was obviously tough on all of us who love you and were around. I know it was really tough on your mom and your brother and my mom and my sister and I and Hannah, who's grown really close to you throughout the time that we've been dating and now married. I wanted you to do what you wanted to do when it came to the surgery, but obviously there was a part of me that wanted you to do the surgery so that we could just have more time with you.
Speaker 2:So I probably should know the date that I was released from the hospital. But to be honest with you, I don't. I was so overjoyed to be getting out. I couldn't get out of there fast enough from that perspective.
Speaker 1:Somebody else can do the math. You gave the date that you went to the hospital and you said it was like five weeks.
Speaker 2:Correct, correct At that point. Once I was released there's still been a little rollercoaster of a ride to this day being released everything was okay. So once I was released, it was just overwhelming the fact that I was out of the hospital. I'm thankful. Once I was back home, david's wife, my daughter-in-law she's an amazing person, woman, chef she said what do you want? Chef? She said what do you want? Can I make you something? I have the best chocolate chip pancakes.
Speaker 1:You can ever imagine. I almost forgot about that.
Speaker 2:Those pancakes. But anything she puts together, she puts together with love and it's always amazing. It was nice to be home. Part of the reason I brought up the chocolate chip pancakes is when I entered the hospital I weighed 223. I thought for the most part I wore well.
Speaker 1:I'd agree.
Speaker 2:I wasn't obese, I had a frame of muscles, whatnot, and then when I was released from the hospital, I got released at 179. So you do the math there, that's 44 pounds I lost in the hospital. It wasn't just the weight that I lost, it was the strength, some of the other things that you don't notice on a regular basis, but in my particular situation you do. You go in and out of the shower and you're like, oh my God, I used to have arms, I used to have shoulders. I don't anymore. I've gained weight and some strength back and I'm thankful for that. I'm still still. Every day is.
Speaker 2:It has its own challenges, uh, sometimes fatigue, depending on what's going on, but, um, for the most part, as I said, this ain't my last dance yet. I'm going to fight, um and do it to the best of my ability, with the best I can, and just go from there. It's been amazing being home. I'm probably the most fortunate individual that you know, and it's hard for people to say what do you mean. I am blessed beyond any words can say with the family and the friends that I have. I wouldn't be here without them, without David, without his mom, his sister, his wife, my mom, my brother and I can't tell him how much I love him enough. Thank you.
Speaker 1:Thank you, we're just happy to have you, john.
Speaker 2:So what was the next step in your cancer treatment After I was released from the hospital? They did immune therapy. It's a form of I don't want to say chemo, because there's two different things. The immune therapy I didn't know anything about it, so what I'm telling you now is what I've learned. It essentially is in a form of the chemo, but the reactions differently. They said I wouldn't survive chemo, probably. So immune therapy takes your own white blood cells and hopefully tries to attack the cancer wherever it may be.
Speaker 1:It's chemo in the form that it's a drug essentially that's given, or the way that they're doing it, but it's almost more like a hacking of your immune system to get it to target the cancer.
Speaker 2:I would agree with that, but the form that it, how it's given, is same as chemo and, as David alluded to, it's yeah, for the lack of better terms it's hacking your own body to hopefully fight it. First three months went well. They saw some positive things. First three months went well. They saw some positive things. Unfortunately, that did not continue. After the first three months they wanted to continue and they did, and they based that upon the scans that I was given. Everything looked to be improving, so they went another three rounds. After the six months they did another scan Immediately. I got a call from the doctor. Obviously, when you get a call from the doctor immediately after your scan, you can assume it's probably not great.
Speaker 2:So they said they were going to stop the immune therapy. It wasn't taken anymore. I don't know if my body became immune to it. Everybody's body acts differently.
Speaker 1:Well, and cancer is known to adapt. So that is some of the risk in what has made cancer such a hard fight is its pure adaptability.
Speaker 2:Obviously, neither one of us have a medical degree, but yeah, in broad terms. Right, exactly what David said. So at that point it was a difficult phone call they put me on cancer pills. I take those daily. They can up the ante Right now. They're waiting to see how my body reacts to it and they'll do a scan. At the same time of that phone call they made me aware that the tumor in the vein was coming back a little bit.
Speaker 1:The one from your liver to your heart, heart.
Speaker 2:Correct. The doctor said he got 95% of it out, but he said he couldn't get that last five. So now the question was is there a way? Can we do anything to treatment? And when I say treatment, mind you everyone, it's not going to cure me. This is terminal. I know that. I deal with this every day. So they decided, in order to hopefully prolong my life and prove these people wrong, they're going to do radiation and they've done it. Radiation has its own ups and downs. That's where we currently are. I'm done with my radiation treatment. I may need more, but that will be based upon my oncology team and going from there.
Speaker 1:So you haven't seen the results of your radiation treatment yet, correct? I mean, besides, like physically how you feel.
Speaker 2:Correct. They said the radiation. It takes a little while to take effect. So no, we had asked that, your mother and I in our last doctor visit. The positive thing that I can take from the last doctor visit is they run blood work every time I go in. My blood work has been improved, it's continued to improve, so that gives me some hope. As I tell everyone, and even the nurses that particular day they kind of just chuckle now because I'm probably the healthiest terminal patient you guys will ever talk to or meet or listen to. It's kind of the running joke that I have to make for everyone else and myself yeah, I'm the healthiest one you're going to find.
Speaker 1:One thing I do want to point out is that your treatment had some extra complications due to the fact that you had separate liver and lung cancer, which are both pretty aggressive cancers and are treated in somewhat different ways.
Speaker 1:So it makes it harder than if you're just trying to treat one cancer. And the cirrhosis of the liver also definitely restricts what treatments can be done, because your liver in its current state between the cancer and the cirrhosis can only handle so much. So on the one hand, you're probably one of the luckier cancer patients in the fact that you feel fine, but on the other hand, you have had an unfortunate situation of being more limited in the approaches that they can take. So I'm actually going to shift gears a little bit here. I want to make it clear that your life and your value isn't defined solely by having had cancer. So I want to get into a little bit of context and background around your life before the cancer. If you'd be willing to share a little bit about your upbringing and just some of the things that you've dealt with throughout life.
Speaker 2:I think for the most part I had a very normal childhood. I was lucky to have two loving parents in the picture. All the time we were raised in a blue collar environment. My dad worked his butt off. There was always food on the table, nothing crazy. We always had what we needed.
Speaker 1:And correct me if I'm wrong, but your parents, Vince and Maria, were first-generation immigrants from Italy, right?
Speaker 2:Correct. My dad came over here when he was, I think, seven years old. My mom came over here when she was 20. At the time when she came over, she married my dad in Italy. So they came over here for a better life, to provide for themselves and, obviously, their family, shortly after my mom came over. Like I said, she came over here when she was 20. Age of 21, she had me. We lived downtown and probably not in a great neighborhood. At that point my dad bought a house in a better neighborhood. He didn't want to raise his growing family down in that area. I was born in 74. My brother was born in 78. My sister was born in 80. My sister died in 82. She was born with a brain tumor. Before passing away, she had several different surgeries.
Speaker 1:So you were seven or eight at the time that she passed.
Speaker 2:I was eight Eight.
Speaker 1:So do you have memories of that time?
Speaker 2:Yeah, I have very clear memories.
Speaker 1:I'm sure that that couldn't have been easy for you.
Speaker 2:No one of the biggest things that I take away, and maybe, in a stubborn asshole that I am, they didn't want me to go to the funeral slash burial, neither me or my brother. To be honest with you, I forgot. If my brother went, I threw such a tantrum that it was best suited that they just let me go.
Speaker 1:So you always had some fight in you.
Speaker 2:Yeah, you could say that Absolutely. So I went to the funeral. That was difficult in itself, just being in that situation, eight years old, watching everyone grieve.
Speaker 1:Well, I'm sure it was especially tough on your parents.
Speaker 2:Yeah, that threw my mom in a tailspin. Since then she's a strong woman in how she's handling the situation of her oldest son now, but at the time it wasn't easy and I think looking back on that situation made her who she is today and how she's dealing with it, with me having cancer, terminal cancer as horrible as it is for someone to go through something like that in a way, she's a little more prepared for or as prepared as she can be I guess is the best way to say it for the situation that you guys are in now.
Speaker 2:I would agree, David, 100% with what you said. Yeah, you don't wish any of this on anyone, but she is as best prepared for this situation as any mother can be.
Speaker 1:So after the loss of your sister, growing up you participated in a series of different sports. You were an athlete, right different sports.
Speaker 2:You were an athlete, right, that is correct, david. Football, basketball and track. And when I say track I say that very loosely. I did track to stay in shape for football.
Speaker 1:Football was my passion. It's what I excelled in. Do you feel that participating in those sports growing up, taught you any lessons for either life or for drive, or even in a form of fight, that you think have served you either in your life or for your current situation?
Speaker 2:I do feel as though participating in some of those sports prepared me for life, not just the current situation that I'm in and let me explain what I mean by that. I think playing football, basketball, those are the most team-oriented sports, and in order to succeed in those and win at a high level, everyone has to be on the same page. You can accomplish more as a team than you can individually, and that holds true to this day, probably more than ever. I couldn't accomplish what I'm accomplishing right now, even being here on this podcast talking to you guys, if it wasn't for the team I have and my team. I can't even tell you how big of a team I have. It's almost like a small village, whether it be David, hannah, his wife Hannah, his sister, laura, his mom, my mom, my uncle, my everyone. I'm lucky to have a group of friends going back as far as freshman year in high school. There's about 17 of us.
Speaker 1:I believe a couple of them were almost like back from elementary or something right.
Speaker 2:Correct, damian and Pat. They go back as far as kindergarten and some of them most of them are from freshman year on and we all just got together for dinner. Most of us went up north together. Without that support team and that team, I wouldn't be here talking to you guys. I'm thankful and appreciate each and every one of them, thank you.
Speaker 1:In fact, you just got back from a weekend up north with that same friend group, right?
Speaker 2:Most of them. There was a few.
Speaker 1:Or who could make it.
Speaker 2:Correct, there were 17 of us in four different cabins. It was a great time just spending time with the guys getting back to somewhat of a normalcy.
Speaker 1:It was very enjoyable mostly, it was very enjoyable. So I will say you are incredibly lucky to have such a long-standing friend group of so many close individuals to this day. Moving past high school, what was the next step in your life?
Speaker 2:After high school, I thought the next logical step was college. For some people it is. For some people it isn't. I'm one of the people that it probably wasn't.
Speaker 1:And there's nothing wrong with that.
Speaker 2:I met a lot of good people that I still communicate and talk to from college and, unfortunately, from the standpoint of academics, there was some things that lacked.
Speaker 1:Some things to be desired.
Speaker 2:Yeah, those were all on me. But I went home after a bit, brushed off the dust and I ended up finding a career path. So I went home and told my parents that I was going to go back to school. I just needed to save some money because at the time I was paying for everything. That didn't happen. I ended up getting a job in communications. At the time for my age and what I was making, I couldn't beat it. I was making some good coin, so I never went back to school.
Speaker 1:When you did a bunch of the cabling for GE Healthcare and actually I remember specifically at the hospital, aurora, st Luke's that we were at you were pointing out because you guys had done a bunch of the cabling there were at, you were pointing out because you guys had done a bunch of the cabling there. So that was one small little glimmer of interesting stuff going on at the hospital when there wasn't.
Speaker 2:Absolutely. Aurora is one of our biggest accounts. At the time when everything got diagnosed, I worked for a company called CCNN Cable Communications and Network. I can't say enough positive things about them and how they've treated me throughout this whole situation. They've always had my back and helped in numerous ways that I don't want to get into at the particular time, but they've been nothing but gracious, accommodating. The company has been in operations, I think, for 31 years. I don't think this is the first time they've ever faced an employee having terminal cancer. Now they've handled it. Kudos to them, Thank you.
Speaker 1:So, if you haven't figured it out, my parents are divorced because obviously otherwise I wouldn't have a stepfather. But I'd like to shift gears a little and skip forward a bit into would you be willing to share the story of how you and my mother met, or how you met my mother, sure David.
Speaker 2:I'll gladly share the story.
Speaker 1:And this is the first time that we've ever heard this story. In fact, my sister, my mom, hannah, and I will. We've never heard this story before. So, um, it'll be new for all of us, not like we've heard it a thousand times or could tell it by heart.
Speaker 2:So at the time when we had met, I had established a second job bartender. This one particular evening, his mom, Laura, I better have came strolling into the bar with her girlfriends and obviously there was a spark there, I knew there was a spark on my end.
Speaker 2:I'm not sure about her end, but nothing obviously occurred that night. She was there with someone else. This was the beginning of the beginning, I guess, because I started frequently seeing her come in with her girlfriends and at a particular time I don't think either one of us were in a place to be involved in a relationship. I don't know how long this went on. I know I'm exaggerating, but I continue to tell everyone I'll tell you.
Speaker 1:I know how long this went on, because I've heard this once or twice.
Speaker 2:I'm pretty sure it went on for five years. I kept getting rejected. There was times where neither one of us were with anyone and I still got rejected.
Speaker 1:You were persistent, though yes, I was. There was a lot of fight in you you weren't giving up.
Speaker 2:No, no, it was a long, challenging situation, but well worth it. I wouldn't have it any other way. It's built a strong relationship for us. Have it any other way, it's built a strong relationship for us. Obviously, we're not married. If you guys haven't figured that out, we've been together 15 years this past March. Neither one of us needs that piece of paper. I should probably marry Laura. The only reason it never happened was I was in some bad relationships prior to meeting Laura and she got the brunt of the worst, I guess for lack of better terms. When we met, I told her I'm like, I'm not getting married. I remember her response. Ever I said yeah, I go if you want to change me. I ain't going to work. She's like I didn't say that I go. Yeah, I go if you want to change me I ain't going to work.
Speaker 1:She's like I didn't say that I go okay. So what changed that sparked the shift from the five-year?
Speaker 2:pursuit from the, you know, delving through the trenches that you were dodging nose left and right. David, I love you, I can't believe you're bringing this up. My opinion is I shaved my head, I think. I think, uh, some people are attracted to bald guys. I shaved my head. Granted, I was in decent shape at the time. I was going to the gym four to five times a week. That didn't hurt. But there was one particular instance. I went to meet a friend at a bar, and this bar is actually at the time right where Laura lived near. That's not why I was going there, but she walked in. I was so mad at her. She walked in oh you're looking good. Starts rubbing my head. I'm like are you kidding me? So I called my buddy. I'm like listen, we got to go somewhere else. There's no one here. He's like what do you mean? I go, let's just go somewhere else. So I left. I was so agitated with her at that particular moment, but we obviously got past that. So it's my belief it was the bald head.
Speaker 1:I mean it couldn't have been anything else, right? I don't think so. Someday maybe we'll hear her side of the story on this podcast, but right now you have the floor.
Speaker 2:Well, I appreciate it. Hopefully I can hear her side of it at one point.
Speaker 1:And then for context what year did you and my mom get together?
Speaker 2:Laura and I got together march 25th 2010.
Speaker 1:Uh, so we've been together now 15 years so you've been a big part of my life for 15 years now, or 14, I think. She waited a chunk to introduce you, but I'm just grateful for all of that time.
Speaker 2:Thank you, david. I appreciate you saying that, and you and your sister have been a huge part of my life and even my growing. You guys have taught me so much and showed me so much love. Thank you.
Speaker 1:So, john, before your current cancer diagnosis, there was another major event that happened in your life surrounding your father. Would you mind touching on what happened and how that affected you?
Speaker 2:Yeah, january 5th of 2016, my father passed away. He went in for a surgery. He had cancer. At the time, we thought everything was good. They saw a spot they wanted to address and they wanted to determine if it was cancerous or not. The determination was never made. He never left the hospital.
Speaker 2:From my understanding, obviously I was not the individual that was making the decisions. That was my mom and, from what my mom portrayed, my dad didn't want to be on machines. But, looking back at the situation, he was on machines. My mom had asked at one point, had said hey, listen, you know, I know. You said but he's on machines, mom, he's being kept alive by this breathing machine. I go, whether you want to believe it or not, and I understand her situation. It was the person that she had been with for 40-plus years and that she loved and I understood that, and that she loved and I understood that. Finally, we came to a decision that they were going to pull the plug on the machines, and that was January 5th of 2016. At that particular moment, I decided, hey, there's no way I'm going, I'm going to be on machines. There's no way I'm going to be in a hospital this way.
Speaker 2:The other, I guess, situation that affected me dramatically was the doctor had to come over and ask and wanted to know if we wanted to know if what they removed was cancerous or not. Ultimately, it was my mom's decision. I told her I did not want to know, for the simple fact that I wasn't going to bring my dad back. My mom chose not to find out if it was or not. I mean, if it was, people have said well, you know, it may have been an inclination of your current situation. No, I don't think so. Inclination of your current situation? No, I don't think so. Not one bit. I think the situations were different in so many ways, but that particular, it was a difficult time for me.
Speaker 2:It was a difficult time for my family, my mom, my brother. I didn't realize until recently how much it really affected my brother, which I understand. Yeah, I was fortunate enough at the time to have your mother in my life. She was an amazing support system for me. Without her, I think I would have gone down a darker road than I did. I'm not saying I didn't go down a dark road. For about a good month I indulged maybe indulge is the wrong word. I hit the bottle pretty hard, I wasn't going to sleep, I was passing out. Finally, your mother gave me a kick in the ass. She's like you know, I understand what you're going through, but this is going to stop Right, Cause I'm not going to. I go, yeah, and that's the, the kick in the ass that I needed and I, you know I got out of that, Thank God. I mean and uh, I couldn't have done it without your mom.
Speaker 1:I remember that timeframe and I remember how it had a pretty profound impact on you. I know you ended up getting a tattoo in memoriam of your father and I always really liked Vince. He was just a good guy, he was really nice. I really enjoyed his company. I also know that you and Hannah bonded over an unfortunate but shared trauma of having both lost your fathers, and I know that you have been an incredibly helpful presence for her in that healing and grieving process. Is there anything you'd like to say on that?
Speaker 2:No, I'd be happy to Please bear with me on this.
Speaker 1:Take your time.
Speaker 2:Hannah means a great deal to me. You found an amazing young lady and, yeah, you're right, we did bond because of hardship or pain and it sucks the thing that right now for me, how I feel is without Hannah. She's done so much in my situation here and helping me through it and I feel really bad because I feel and I've told her this that I'm making her relive that pain that she had when she lost her dad, relive that pain that she had when she lost her dad. Never meant to do that, never wanted to put that on her or anyone else. As I said, it's hard enough going through it once, but then trying to deal with it again is almost twice as hard. But, as I said, I love her. I'm in a lot better state of mind than I was a few months ago and part of that is because of Hannah and everything that she's done on her days off. She takes the time to come over and spend some time with me, talk with me.
Speaker 2:We listen to audiobooks together, listened to audio books together. One of the most profound, inspiring audio books I've ever read was Tuesdays with Maury. She wanted to share that with me. Her dad had read that and I'm so thankful that she shared that with me. I recommend that book to anyone. Whether you're going through what I'm going through or not, maury is my hero in everything that he dealt with and how he handled the situation. If I handle my situation with a little bit of grace and dignity, as he did, I will be a better person for it. He handled himself with nothing but grace and I hope I can do half that.
Speaker 1:Okay, so we'll touch on your mindset and how you've been processing and handling your current situation in just a bit. But I do want to explicitly state here and I'm not speaking for her, I'm saying this because Hannah and I have had numerous conversations about this and I've actually been with you when she said this to you you aren't doing this to her. She's grateful for the opportunity to use her experience to help somebody who's in a time of need and she doesn't regret getting close to you and building a relationship with you because you've helped her so much, and she's just grateful for the time that she's had with you. We both are and, yes, there will be pain, but grief is also an expression of love. You don't feel grief if you didn't love someone. You don't feel grief if you didn't love someone. It's a horrible, painful expression of love, but it's still love. This has been part one of our interview with John Ezelina, talking about the unique experience and the mindset shifts he's went through after receiving his terminal cancer diagnosis.
Speaker 1:Please tune in for part two, coming next week Tuesday, and remember you are enough and you deserve to fill up your inner cup with happiness, confidence and self-compassion. Thank you for listening to the Sage Solutions Podcast. Your time is valuable and I'm so glad you choose to learn and grow here with me. If you haven't already, don't forget to subscribe so you don't miss out on more sage advice. One last thing the legal language. This podcast is for educational and informational purposes only. No coaching client relationship is formed. It is not intended as a substitute for the personalized advice of a physician, professional coach, psychotherapist or other qualified professional. The opinions of guests are their own and may not necessarily reflect the opinions of the podcast.