Sage Solutions
Advice and insight about personal growth, personal development, and becoming your best self.
Sage Solutions
Redefining Self-Care: More Than Bubble Baths and Wine
What if everything you thought you knew about self-care was incomplete? In this eye-opening conversation, David and Anna Sage challenge conventional wisdom about what it means to truly take care of yourself in a world obsessed with hustle culture and Instagram-worthy self-care rituals.
The siblings explore how authentic self-care transcends bubble baths and expensive spa treatments. It's not about what looks good to others—it's about what genuinely restores you. "Self-care is about what feels restorative to you and what helps you restore the areas of your life that are feeling a little bit dry," Anna explains, offering a refreshingly practical perspective that cuts through the commercialized noise.
Together, they navigate the complex territory between selfishness, selflessness, and where meaningful self-care fits into this spectrum. Through their engaging conversation, they introduce a powerful metaphor: "Rather than being a candle that consumes itself to light the way for others, be a lighter that can be refueled." This sustainable approach to caring for yourself allows you to continue showing up fully for others without burning out.
The discussion takes unexpected turns as they differentiate between restorative self-care and momentary self-indulgence, challenging listeners to consider how their actions affect not just their present selves but their future selves too. They reveal how science backs the importance of consistent self-care practices, with research showing significant reductions in stress, anxiety, and depression among those who prioritize small, regular acts of self-replenishment.
Whether you've dismissed self-care as too feminine, too indulgent, or too time-consuming, this episode offers practical wisdom for integrating moments of genuine restoration into your daily life. Identify what truly fills your cup—then make it a non-negotiable priority. Your well-being isn't just a luxury; it's the foundation upon which everything else in your life is built. Subscribe now and share this episode with someone who needs permission to prioritize their own restoration.
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Welcome to the Sage Solutions Podcast, where we talk about all things personal growth, personal development and becoming your best self. My name is David Sage and I am a self-worth and confidence coach with Sage Coaching Solutions.
Speaker 2:Hey everyone. My name is Anna Sage. I'm David's younger sister and one of the regular co-hosts on the Sage Solutions podcast. It's been a little while. I'm glad to be back. Life has been very crazy, but I'm very excited to discuss the topic we have for you here today.
Speaker 1:In this episode, we're going to be talking about self-care. Now, self-care is an important topic and a big part of how we fill up our inner cup, but, somewhat paradoxically, this is not actually a topic that I have thought that much about, at least in comparison to most of the other topics that we talk about. I just don't have as much experience with self-care. I'm sure that I do self-care in my own way, I just haven't been as conscious about it. It hasn't been something that is on top of my mind.
Speaker 1:However, anna is actually the perfect co-host for me to have for this episode. She has approached self-care a bit more consciously, she's put more thought into it and I think she has some more lived experience with it than I do. So I'm going to let her take a little bit more of the lead on this one and, just like the rest of you, I'm also hoping to learn a thing or two. But before we get into it, our goal with this podcast is to share free, helpful tools with you and anyone you know who is looking to improve their life. So take action, subscribe and share this podcast with them.
Speaker 2:Thanks, David. That's really kind of you. I wouldn't necessarily consider myself any sort of expert on self-care. However, it is something I have put a lot of thought into. It's something that I've found very interesting and something that I've prioritized for myself intentionally. So if sharing my thoughts and our thoughts about it can help other people, I'm happy to do that.
Speaker 2:So, first of all, what is self-care? Well, if you search that on Google, the little AI overview gives you that self-care refers to the proactive steps individuals take to preserve and improve their physical, mental and emotional well-being. It encompasses a range of activities that empower individuals to prioritize their health and maintain a balanced lifestyle. Now, that sounds very fancy, but the way that I conceptualize it is this Self-care is not about what things look like. It's not about looking relaxed. It's about how it feels for you. Self-care is about what feels restorative to you and what helps you restore the areas of your life that you're feeling, or maybe those buckets, like you've talked about, those pockets of your bucket that are feeling a little bit dry and need some energy and attention.
Speaker 1:Yeah, I know you visualize it as like separate buckets that are each named. Yeah, I know you visualize it as like separate buckets that are each named and I've kind of talked about it as this overall cup. That is, you that have the different pockets, but really we're talking about the same thing and that's not to say that anything that fills up your cup is necessarily self-care.
Speaker 2:Well, is it? What's the distinction there? I guess?
Speaker 1:I think we risk getting a little caught up in the nuances of definition, but at least when I'm talking about the core fundamental of filling up your cup, there are many ways to do that. Some of those things are with different traits or things that make you feel full, happy, fulfilled. Not all of those things are necessarily restorative, if that makes sense. Yeah, it does about taking care of yourself, as the name suggests, and restoring things or filling up areas that are feeling empty, as opposed to like fulfilling things that make you feel alive.
Speaker 2:Yeah, now I kind of chuckled because it does sound funny that we're saying, well, self-care is about caring for yourself, like people are going to be listening and being like no duh. But there really is a lot of nuance and gray area and things to flesh out here. Like David and I were talking about this before we even started recording and there's a lot that we had to be like wait, is that self-care or is that selfish, or is that self-indulgence or is that like? There's so many different layers here to work through. So hang in there with us.
Speaker 1:And maybe I'm a little off here, but one of the filters that I'll use for thinking about self-care is would I be caring for someone else if I did these things, If I was taking care of a pet, if I was doing things that are and I'm not talking about like caretaking, where you're enabling or you know this is where this gets a little complicated, but I mean taking care of yourself, doing things that are for your own good, for your benefit, that are for your own good, for your benefit, right? The easiest way to know whether it's self-care is to use a filter of. If it's a net positive to you and your life, it makes you feel restored and it's not harming anyone else or yourself in the future, it's very likely a good form of self-care.
Speaker 2:Okay. So let me just make sure I'm understanding this, because sometimes I can get a little bit lost in when we're really fleshing things out. So self-care is something you do that restores yourself for you in an area that you need it, and it can look totally different depending on what you need, but it has to be something you're doing intentionally for yourself, not just like, oh, I accomplished something at work and that made me feel good.
Speaker 1:Or I got lucky and I found $5 on the ground and it made me feel happy. That's not, you didn't care for yourself there, that was just a positive event.
Speaker 2:Yeah, it just happened. So self-care is more intentional than that but we talked about for you. Just because you aren't consciously thinking about self-care a lot doesn't mean you aren't practicing it, because you're still intentionally doing things that care for you, that restore you. You're just not like labeling it as oh, right now I am practicing self-care, right.
Speaker 1:Right, and when I was giving an example about an unambiguous way of figuring out whether something is self-care, there are a lot of things that don't fall into that that are self-care. I'm more saying if it checks all of those boxes, it's pretty much for sure self-care. Is that fair?
Speaker 2:Which? What boxes?
Speaker 1:It's restorative.
Speaker 2:Yeah.
Speaker 1:It's intentional.
Speaker 2:Yes.
Speaker 1:It's not hurting anyone else.
Speaker 2:Okay.
Speaker 1:And it's not harming you in the long run.
Speaker 2:Okay, I do want to talk through those last two points, or those last two check boxes for self-care that you gave, because, while I agree with them, I think there is some little bit of shades of gray there that we do need to discuss.
Speaker 1:I actually think there's a lot of shades of gray there that we do need to discuss. I actually think there's a lot of shades of gray there. I think there are things that can be self-care that don't check those last two boxes. I'm just saying if those two boxes are both checked with the other two, it is for sure self-care.
Speaker 2:Okay so let's go through the first of those last two. Wow, this is getting very wordy. Okay, so self-care restorative, intentional.
Speaker 1:I would say restorative and intentional are the two that have to be there.
Speaker 2:Okay, and then what was the third one you said?
Speaker 1:I think where it gets a bit more complicated is balancing how it affects other people and how it affects yourself in the long run. Okay, so let's go through how it affects other people and how it affects yourself in the long run.
Speaker 2:Okay, so let's go through how it affects other people. That third checklist point right. I agree with you for the most part that self-care should be something that isn't causing harm to someone else for your benefit, because being selfish in and of itself is that benefit. Because being selfish in and of itself is that Selfishness would be doing things for your own benefit even if it causes harm to other people, right?
Speaker 1:That's a good question. We could probably look up a definition of selfishness. On it, but I think it does come down to a combination of intention and effect on other people. I think if you're doing something that is just a net positive to you now and you in the future and it harms no one else, I would not say that that's selfish.
Speaker 2:Yeah, I agree, and I did just look up a definition. The Oxford Dictionary definition of selfish is of a person, action or motive lacking consideration for others, concerned chiefly with one's own personal profit or pleasure. So it is both of those things it is your own benefit and lacking consideration of how it affects other people. So if you're doing something for your own benefit but you are aware of if that is going to negatively influence other people, it's not selfish. But if you are doing something for your own benefit and you're not really caring about the impact it has on other people, or you're aware of the fact that it's harming someone and you do it really caring about the impact it has on other people, or you're aware of the fact that it's harming someone and you do it anyways, that's selfish.
Speaker 1:What if someone? I understand that this is a side question, but what if you change the equation to where, let's say, I am jealous of what somebody else has right and I sabotage them or do something bad to them, and it doesn't actually get me anything, it's just to tear them down? Would that also be selfish, even though I don't actually benefit? Or would we argue that I, in this hypothetical situation, am getting satisfaction out of tearing them down, so it is to my benefit? I mean, I'm just trying to process how that plays out, because people do that. There is a part of human psychology that causes humans not all humans, not in all situations that causes humans not all humans, not in all situations but it causes people to want to tear others down for their successes, because it makes them aware of what they're not doing.
Speaker 1:And if they pull somebody down to their level then they don't feel bad. So I guess it is a selfish thing in a way, because they are doing it, so then they don't feel bad. So I guess it is a selfish thing in a way, because they are doing it so that they don't feel bad.
Speaker 2:Right. If they're doing it so that ultimately they don't feel bad, that is having a personal profit to them, I suppose. So yes, that would still be selfish.
Speaker 1:It's awful but it's selfish. Yeah, if you find yourself doing this which, honestly, to some degree it's easy for people to do this to a really minor degree without being conscious of it, like just as a resistance to a change within someone, especially like a diet Think about how many times somebody goes on a diet and then all of their friends are offering them French fries and stuff immediately Like, oh, come on, just one bite. What I'm saying is it's easier to fall into this than it being like this big, malicious thing, and if you find yourself in that place, please don't do this. This is the worst. Sabotaging other people's success is one of the worst things you can do to someone. Don't do that. I realize we've gotten a bit off on a tangent. I was like so circling back People actually do this towards others' self-care.
Speaker 1:Somebody will start practicing a form of self-care no-transcript conscious. You know whether they're doing this consciously or not, for doing that self-care make them feel bad, like they're being selfish, like yeah.
Speaker 2:Or sometimes, in order to not feel bad about yourself and your own lack of self-care, you will reframe it to view them judgmentally like, oh, they're just blah, blah, blah, because then that doesn't mean that you are the one that's actually lacking in some way. So I understand it and I'm sure you know I've been there. If I'm honest, I think everybody probably to some extent has done this and caught themselves at some point. But yeah, the point here is when it happens at some point. But yeah, the point here is when it happens, when you are aware of it happening within yourself. Stop and reframe and reshift your perspective, because it's not a helpful way to be.
Speaker 1:Can you look up the definition of selfless?
Speaker 2:Selfless is an adjective that means being concerned more with the needs and wishes of others than with one's own, and it gives a colon there and says unselfish. So it's essentially the opposite, but I don't know that it's a good thing either. I think it's almost like the extremes the black and the white.
Speaker 1:Well, I think it can be good to be selfless, right. I think there are times where setting yourself aside especially if it's a minor inconvenience to you to make a major difference for someone else, right can be a wonderful thing and like, if you're going to lean towards either selfish or selfless, selfless is way better.
Speaker 2:Oh, obviously yeah, yeah.
Speaker 1:But I think the problem is we truly view them as a light switch dichotomy not a dimmer switch, a on or off, and people don't have a good understanding of those definitions. They actually just see it as selfish means doing something for me. Selfless means it can't have any benefit for me.
Speaker 2:Yeah, and that's where I was saying I don't think it's a good thing when it's taken to an extreme like that. Of course, it's a good thing when you are being selfless and taking selfless action for the benefit of others, but when you're seeing it as I can only do things for others and I need to neglect myself and my needs in order to do that, that's when it's destructive and you end up destroying yourself and not being able to then serve others.
Speaker 1:And I've found that this belief, this system of viewing being selfish or selfless, with those misrepresentative definitions maybe not consciously but just sort of subconsciously sitting in people's heads, really causes a lot of problems.
Speaker 2:I think this unhelpful mindset is especially pervasive in helping professions like nursing, teaching professions, where your job is to put the good of the people you serve as the main priority of the work you do. This quote was shared with me earlier this week. It says a good teacher is like a candle it consumes itself to light the way for others. And that, I think, is exactly what we're talking about. It can be very unhelpful when a quote like this is shared with the intention of motivating you. If you're consuming yourself to light the way for others, eventually there's going to be none of you left to continue lighting the way for others.
Speaker 1:It's not a very long-term way to make an impact.
Speaker 2:Exactly. Rather than being a candle, I would rather be what do you call that thing that matches go across, that ignites them? You know the little matchbox sheet guy. Yeah, that I'd rather be that where people can, where people can, can be ignited and served through my effort. But it doesn't take away from what I need to be able to continue sparking that light in others so I love light, love, light metaphors. So that's just me.
Speaker 1:Let's bring it into this century. Maybe you're the lighter that lights candles and then, when you need to, we refill your lighter fluid. Okay.
Speaker 2:Use the lighter, okay, okay.
Speaker 1:Instead of the whatever it is that you strike a match against.
Speaker 2:All right. Either way, that is a great analogy. You want to be something that you can refuel yourself, to continue producing light, rather than using yourself up and then being useless.
Speaker 1:In fact, I'm going to double down on this I think the first metaphor you know In fact, I'm going to double down on this I think the first metaphor you know talking about a candle, but like a candle, eventually it's literally talking about burnout. I think it's even better visualized, actually, as the match or the lighter. The match only has so much burn in it and you can light a certain amount of candles before it dies. Yes, but the lighter can always be refilled.
Speaker 2:Yes, yes, absolutely. So let's circle this back around. I love these conversations. I hope other people do too. When you think about selflessness versus selfishness, be the lighter, refuel yourself so that you can continue to ignite and serve others without using yourself up and not being able to continue to serve.
Speaker 1:So I think that sets some good groundwork for really diving into self-care as a topic. But to circle back around directly to self-care, let me ask you this this is actually more of a question for the listener how often do you truly intentionally make time for yourself Not just the leftover scraps of time after every other demand in your life has been met, but take actual, dedicated, non-negotiable time for yourself? This is one of the most common examples of self-care. This term self-care gets thrown around a lot. It's sometimes mistaken for pure indulgence and, yes, a bubble bath or a massage can be a part of it.
Speaker 1:But true self-care runs much deeper than those stereotypical forms of self-care. It's really about actively preserving, improving and restoring your own physical, mental and emotional health. It's about recognizing your needs and taking steps to meet them. Think of it as preventative maintenance for your mind and for your body. You wouldn't drive a car for 100,000 miles without an oil change, would you? Yet so many of us push ourselves relentlessly without ever pausing to refuel and replenish.
Speaker 1:Now we have been talking a lot about getting things done, taking action, having discipline not avoiding the important things that we need to do and building intrinsic motivation, building the muscles of our life, especially things like grit. However, if we take this to an extreme, we can get to what's often talked about as hustle culture, and hustle culture is often taken to an extreme. It's all about just work, put your head down, go hard, find no balance, kill it, be the hardest worker, we don't need sleep, you know. Kill it, be the hardest worker, we don't need sleep. It gets taken to a crazy degree. It's almost virtue, signaling of how hard you work and that you're a grinder, a hustler.
Speaker 1:We need to be in this constant state of motion, striving and achieving, and while ambition and many of the topics that we've talked about that can help you achieve your ambitions are fantastic, when unchecked, without some shades of gray, it can lead to burnout, anxiety, overwhelm and a profound disconnect from ourselves. Taking care of yourself isn't selfish, it's essential. It's the foundation upon which we build our resilience, filling up your inner cup, doing what you need to do and, yes, self-care is one of the ways to do it is how you have the fuel, the reservoir, the ability to do all of the things that you want to do in your life the things that you need to do and should do, as well as the things that you want to do and live to do. Taking care of yourself is the foundation upon which we build resilience. It sets us up to actually experience joy and fulfillment and to show up as our best selves in all areas of our life for our families, our friends, our careers and our communities.
Speaker 2:I want to touch on what you were saying about hustle culture. I think people get into or buy into the hustle culture because they care so much about how they're perceived by others.
Speaker 1:They want to be perceived as a hard worker, as Almost like high status Entrepreneurs are often linked with hustle culture, like business owners. Success. They want to be that they want to be successful.
Speaker 2:Yeah absolutely no. Yeah, you want to be seen well by others and that's understandable and that's okay, to an extent right. It's when we care more about how we're being perceived by others than about our own well-being that it becomes a problem. I know earlier I was talking about self-care isn't about what self-care looks like. I know that's the question people often ask what does self-care look like? Well, that doesn't really matter because it's not about how it's perceived by others. It's not about what other people see you doing that looks like self-care. It's about what it feels like and how it restores you.
Speaker 1:That makes a lot of sense, and I think it implies that it would be highly individualized.
Speaker 2:Yeah, agreed In more ways than just one right. It's highly individualized between different people. Different people can be restored by very different actions and also it can differ a lot depending on what area of your life needs restoration.
Speaker 1:And maybe what phase of your life you're in. Yeah, be what phase of your life you're in, and there's so many factors that make this more complicated than most people realize, because I do think it is often portrayed as getting your nails done and bubble baths and drinking a glass of wine after work and-. Getting a massage, all the things you'll see on social media type of thing Absolutely, absolutely, and sometimes that might be what I need.
Speaker 2:Sometimes I don't know about need, but sometimes that might feel really good and be restorative.
Speaker 1:I'm not trying to demonize any of those things, to be clear. I think people almost see that as like they're the same thing, like that's how it has to be.
Speaker 2:Right Like that is self-care, and if you're not doing that, then you're not doing self-care. But that's not necessarily it. Sometimes self-care for me can be setting aside 40 extra minutes before bed to have a whole wind-down routine that helps me feel more relaxed before I sleep. Sometimes it might look like taking a walk by myself, because I sat around at work all day and my body needs some movement and I need some fresh air. Sometimes it might look like having a conversation with a friend, because I haven't been very social and I miss connection with others, and that's the piece of me that I need to restore.
Speaker 1:This is causing me to think a lot more about self-care. I think the stereotypical perception has caused me to not write it off, but just not pay as much attention to it. I guess, but just not pay as much attention to it. I guess it caused me to not dive deeper because I was like, oh, that's good, but like you know, also, I think it can be taken.
Speaker 1:I think those same things can be taken to extremes, because and maybe there's a little bit of an extra business agenda here, but I think some of the stereotyping of self-care is around… Expensive, monetized things, and I think, as a result, it has turned the public perception of self-care into something that takes money that can be reasonably expensive to do all of these quote unquote self-care things you know.
Speaker 2:Almost like it can become a justification for spending money on things that you don't need in a way. Oh my gosh, you just got me thinking a lot about how self-care can be perceived as like a privilege or a status almost right of like. Well, yeah, that guy has time for self-care because he has the money and the opportunity to take off of work.
Speaker 1:He's not hustling just to try to make ends meet right, in which case it's almost the opposite of the status that people want from a hustle culture. It's a different type of status or perception on the other end.
Speaker 2:Right that I have enough to be able to take the time to practice self-care, or you know? The other thing I was thinking about with what you were just saying is how maybe a barrier for men in practicing self-care is that sometimes self-care can be seen as a very feminine thing to do. Oh, women go and do self-care. They get their nails done, they get a massage, have a spa day, but men are the ones that are hustling and that are getting the work done and providing for the family. And so you know, when are you supposed to self-care? That's a lady thing, right?
Speaker 1:I mean, not that I'm saying that's how it is no, but I think it is kind of perceived that way sometimes, especially because of what is stereotypically talked about or shown as self-care. And I think there's the other danger of misintentioned self-care I guess would be doing self-care practices just to get social media clout type of a thing, like you're not actually, it's not restorative, because you had to make sure that it looked just perfect with the candles, just perfect, and you're stressing out over how many people are going to like this post about you doing a bubble bath with a glass of wine or something and at the end of the day it wasn't even for your own self-care, you just wanted popularity clout.
Speaker 1:And not that those things don't feel good, and I'm not trying to say anybody who has a social media presence. There's nothing inherently wrong with social media. But if your self-care practice is actually causing you stress or you're doing it just for attention, is it really self-care?
Speaker 2:It's not right Because, like we said, it's about intentionality and what feels restorative to you. If you come out of that self-care time feeling more stressed, then that's not really self-care. Stressed, then that's not really self-care. So this connects back to the conversation we were having earlier about finding the balance between selfishness, selflessness and where self-care fits into those two things. Although self-care should be something that is restorative for you, taking into account that it isn't harming others, so it's not being selfish there are circumstances where I think it is okay to give yourself permission to choose to prioritize something that's going to restore yourself, even though it may disappoint someone else.
Speaker 1:So, if we're thinking about selflessness as something that doesn't benefit you, benefits other people. I think there are times where something that is selfless can become synergistic, even if it doesn't benefit you on paper. Right, where you do something that doesn't benefit you, you know it takes your time, but care of other people that you care about, yeah, in which case you are sort of getting something out of it. So I guess it's no longer fully selfless, but, like, the intention was selfless, so we don't have to get so caught up in this. Like, does it fit this definition exactly? Because there's nothing wrong with you also getting something out of it, a win-win is a great thing.
Speaker 1:Now, there are going to be plenty of times where it is a trade-off. Now, like we said, the trade-off might be that you don't actually get something out of this selfless act. Right, it is really draining for you, but you know that you are doing something incredibly good. Right, it's hard to truly do something 100% altruistically, with no gain of self, because if you are helping other people, you usually feel good about it. But, to get across, you may realize, right, logically or whatever, that this person is in dire need and you may not get any enjoyment out of helping them, but you know it was the right thing to do. That would be selfless.
Speaker 1:However, there are times where you know that you are in dire need and it might minorly inconvenience somebody else. Like somebody else was like, yeah, we could hang if they're already doing something, and they invited you, but it wasn't a big deal. Might be a minor inconvenience to them, but you've just gotten clobbered at work all week. You just need a little bit of time to yourself to recuperate. Your social battery is drained. Just because it has a minor negative effect on that other person doesn't mean that you are being selfish by taking care of yourself.
Speaker 2:Agreed, agreed. I think there's a distinction between harm and disappointment, or a minor inconvenience or letdown.
Speaker 1:There are going to be times where you are going to let other people down. That's just how expectations work. You can't constantly placate and try and do absolutely no annoyance or harm to anyone ever.
Speaker 2:Right, but you can't. But I think there is also some shades of gray here of if this same person has asked you to meet up with them and you, you know, chose to prioritize yourself once, and then they ask again and you're like, nah, it's still, you know, chose to prioritize yourself once, and then they ask again and you're like, nah, it's still, you know, I'm still really busy, and you're still choosing yourself, maybe by like the fourth time.
Speaker 1:And let's say the fourth time, they're like hey, I really haven't seen you in a while. You can tell that they really want to see you. It's not like it was just this extra little addition.
Speaker 2:Right, that changes things right. Then it really is important that maybe you still need that self-care. You're still exhausted, you've been in a season of busyness, but if it's the fourth time, you've already had to say no three other times, or you've already chosen to say no three other times, then, yeah, maybe you do need to prioritize that other person's needs in that moment.
Speaker 1:It's almost like you know it's a nerdy way of saying it, but it's almost a bit of an equation, right Like you have two different sides what it's doing for you and how it's. The balance has shifted enough then, even though it could be a restorative thing for you, that doesn't necessarily mean you should always make that choice. You know if it's going to really brighten that person's day and make them really upset. If you don't go and you're gonna get some restoration, then you need to reassess that, because maybe it is being a little bit selfish if you're disproportionately har your self-care to the point of self-indulgence.
Speaker 2:Being self-indulgent is characterized by doing, or tending to do, exactly what you want, especially when it involves pleasure or idleness. So it's almost like the extreme of always choosing you rather than having some consideration for choosing other people. Or, for example, let's say you decide oh man, I really just want to enjoy this delicious cheeseburger, I really want this over the top cheeseburger and I'm going to get the fries and all the dipping sauces and I'm going to have dessert and I'm really just treating myself. I think it's when you treat yourself every day, at every meal of the day for years and it becomes oh gosh, now I'm severely overweight and unhealthy, that's self-indulgent. It's not about never being able to treat yourself and have a meal or something you do. That is just indulgent. Self-indulgence sometimes is great. It's when you take it to an extreme that it ends up not actually restoring you and creating harm to you.
Speaker 1:So this is the other part of what makes self-care a little tricky, and until we started doing this podcast episode, I don't think I realized that there was so much shades of gray to this topic and that's why so many people struggle to navigate it. But I think having the awareness of the bounds and trying to do a little bit of this calculation not that it has to be super complicated, but just like thinking about these factors a bit in your head will help you understand when you are taking care of yourself. Now. Self-indulgence, as you said. It can be nice to treat yourself sometimes, but I think it really becomes self-indulgence when it's all about the now and you're not thinking about the long-term.
Speaker 2:Effects.
Speaker 1:Yeah, the long-term effects it's going to have on you. In my eyes, if the word restorative generally doesn't just mean that it feels good in the moment, Agreed, it's a form of filling you up, going forward, and sometimes a splurge can do that. But if every single day I am ordering three entrees and they're all unhealthy things and I'm going way over a calorie amount you know I'm not trying to get super into health stuff but if I am eating in a manner that is bad for my long-term health by eating way too much of unhealthy things and I start doing that more consistently, I'm not being very kind to the long-term me, to the me of the future. Right, I'm getting a hit of dopamine, a shot of happy, now and then likely I'm not feeling so good even later that night, and then I am not going to feel as good or be as healthy in the long term. And not only that in this situation, especially if maybe we're going out to a restaurant each time, I'm now also not being very kind to my future financial self because I'm buying multiple entrees at a restaurant on a regular basis. So now I'm sabotaging myself financially long term by indulging. I'm sabotaging myself from a health standpoint long term, which both of those things can have a trickle down on mental health and many other things.
Speaker 1:I don't think that that's self-care. I'm not really restoring myself by doing those things. It's really a band-aid approach that's actually making a series of problems worse. So no, I think we have to be careful about what's actually taking care of yourself. I think we have to be careful about what's actually taking care of yourself. When you think of, like getting healthy doing these things, people say like, oh good, you're taking care of yourself. I think that wording is helpful. I think that's how I've actually thought about self-care, without thinking of the word self-care.
Speaker 2:Agreed as you were talking about this, though, it made me realize I am somebody who, if I really care about you and you're very close in my life and I see you doing something that I perceive could be a detriment to you, I have a hard time not saying something to try to or doing something to try to help you, because I care about you and I want you to be okay, right. Where I have to be careful with this is understanding that what is restorative to me may not be what's restorative to you, what's restorative to you. So, while you may find watching several episodes of a show that you're really into as being restorative, I may see that as being indulgent, because if I sit down and watch more than a few shows in a row, I start to not feel restored by that. I start to feel like, oh, I've wasted all this time. I could have done this, I could have.
Speaker 2:You know, it ultimately doesn't make me feel refreshed. It makes me feel like frustrated with myself. So I typically am not somebody who can do a whole marathon. I like to watch TV, but only in smaller amounts, okay, and so I have to be careful of even though that seems indulgent in my experience and it doesn't do well for my long term well being. That doesn't mean that's your experience and I have to be careful not to judge you based on my experience of the balance of what's restorative and what's indulgent. Does that make sense?
Speaker 1:Yeah, Because I actually am somebody that can get a lot of enjoyment out of watching a good amount of a show and I think to some degree it is about how much I actually enjoy that show. Sometimes it's about something I'm learning from the show. Sometimes it's a show that has like a fantasy world that I can get lost in and just take a break from all of the practicality. That is my life with this type of career.
Speaker 2:Yeah, which I get that from books. I have the same thing. I can sit down and read books for a few hours and feel totally restored.
Speaker 1:But there are shows that I can start or try that don't make me feel that way, right? So like I think the quality or the specifics of a show can make me feel like I'm wasting time if I'm not into it enough, you know. So the framing if it's something I really enjoy and I know I get a lot of enjoyment out of it, it does feel restorative for me. But that doesn't mean that all mediums of show do that.
Speaker 2:Yeah, that makes sense, but again, there's some nuance here. I just said, reading a book for hours can feel very restorative for me. However, if I'm in my room and it is super cluttered and messy because I've had a very busy week and I've let things go, I'm somebody who can't really feel relaxed unless I'm in a space that is neat and tidy and it genuinely does affect me physiologically and mentally. So I can't feel restored from reading that book. If the bucket or the pocket in my bucket that's the most dry, is the cleanliness and tidiness of my space. Or, giving a different example, if I sat at work all day and I skipped my workouts the last few days and my body is feeling like man, I really need to move and I choose to read that book instead. I'm also not going to feel restored because really what I need is to take a walk or go to yoga and get my body moving and to feel physically restored first.
Speaker 1:And I think that's why we hear quotes like discipline is the highest form of self-love or of self-care. And you know, I'm not going to say whether I agree or disagree with that. I think it's too, too black and white for me. But I will say that I think in a lot of situations, even if something is mild pain in the moment, if it is a big time long-term gain, it is a form of kindness to yourself. It is taking care of yourself in the long run. So I think what it's really getting at is that there are plenty of times where it's not even about filling up your bucket now. It is about setting yourself up in the long run. I think that can also be a form of self-care.
Speaker 2:Yeah, agreed. Now I know what some of you might be thinking I don't have time, and I hear you Life is demanding. But let me ask you this Can you afford not to make time? The consequences of neglecting self-care are far more costly in the long run. Consider this A fascinating study published in the Journal of Affective Disorders in 2022 explored the relationship between self-care practices and mental health outcomes in a large sample of adults.
Speaker 2:The researchers found a significant inverse correlation, meaning the more individuals engaged in self-care activities, the lower their reported levels of stress, anxiety and depression. It's not just a nice idea. It's backed by evidence. Engaging in consistent self-care practices which they defined broadly to include things like mindfulness, physical activity, healthy eating and even setting boundaries remarkably improved participants' psychological well-being. This wasn't about grand, expensive gestures or huge vacations. It was about small, consistent actions. And on the topic of being busy, just ask my partner, will. He says you sages, keep yourselves so busy. We get it. We've got calendars that look like rainbows, with different events at different times of year. We know how crazy and hectic things can be and how hard it can be to set aside time, but truly making it a priority to even schedule in your calendar to make time for yourself, for self-care, or finding little bits and pieces of time here and there is so beneficial.
Speaker 1:You have to take care of yourself before you can take care of others.
Speaker 1:Don't be a match others Don't be a match. In a world that often demands so much of us, that pushes us to conform or to put others' needs constantly before our own, choosing to prioritize your well-being can be a radical act. It's a statement that you matter, that your health and your happiness are important. It's about preserving your energy, your spirit, so that you can contribute at a higher level than wearing yourself ragged. So what does this look like in practical terms? Well, like we said, self-care isn't one-size-fits-all. What replenishes one person might drain another. The key is to identify what truly nourishes you. It can look like physical self-care sleeping enough, drinking enough water, maybe meditating.
Speaker 1:Mental self-care Are you engaging your mind? Are you doing things that push you, that excite you, that sate your curiosity? Are you learning new things? Are you growing? Emotional self-care this can be setting boundaries. This can be being in tune with your emotions. It can be doing things that make you happy. It can be crying when you need to and for some. Spiritual self-care this can involve religious practices, it can include forms of meditation, and it usually involves connecting to something larger than yourself.
Speaker 1:Right now, I'm encouraging you to think of at least one small act of self-care that you can integrate into your life this week, not next month, not when things calm down, but this week. Heck, how about today? Maybe it's you dedicate 15 minutes before bed to do something that you actually enjoy instead of scrolling on social media. Maybe it's doing a skincare routine because it makes you feel like you're prioritizing yourself. It doesn't matter how it actually looks. It just needs to come down to the couple things that we talked about. Is it restorative, is it intentional? Is it not disproportionately putting someone else out and is it disproportionately hurting long-term you or the you of the future?
Speaker 1:If it checks all of those boxes, it's a great form of self-care and, of course, like Anna said before, is it the bucket that you need the most right now? Remember that consistency trumps intensity. Small, regular acts of self-care accumulate over time. They fill up your inner cup and they build a powerful reserve of well-being. It's not about adding another overwhelming item to your to-do list. It's about weaving moments of replenishment into the fabric of your normal daily life. You are worthy of your own self-care. In fact, you are the person most responsible for it. So take that responsibility seriously, lovingly, and watch how it transforms not only your life but also your ability to engage with the world around you.
Speaker 2:Take care of yourselves, guys. Thanks for having me on, David.
Speaker 1:And remember you are enough and you deserve to fill up your inner cup with happiness, confidence, self-care and self-compassion. Confidence, self-care and self-compassion. Thank you for listening to the Sage Solutions Podcast. Your time is valuable and I'm so glad you continue to choose to learn and grow here with me. If you haven't already, don't forget to subscribe so you don't miss out on more sage advice. One last thing the legal language. This podcast is for educational and informational purposes only. No coaching client relationship is formed. It is not intended as a substitute for the personalized advice of a physician. No-transcript.