Sage Solutions
Advice and insight about personal growth, personal development, and becoming your best self.
Sage Solutions
Learning to Laugh at Yourself
Laughter might just be your secret superpower for building unshakable confidence. In this revealing episode, I share my personal journey from crippling self-criticism to embracing a lighter approach to life's inevitable stumbles and missteps.
The science is clear - when we learn to laugh at ourselves, we create a psychological buffer against setbacks that makes us more resilient. One fascinating study from the University of Kansas reveals that people who practice self-deprecating humor report higher life satisfaction and stronger social connections. But there's a crucial balance to maintain - too much self-directed humor can signal deep insecurity rather than confidence.
This paradoxical relationship between humor, ego, and confidence creates one of personal development's most interesting dynamics. Those operating primarily from ego (whether manifesting as arrogance or insecurity) struggle to genuinely laugh at themselves because they're protecting a fragile self-image. True confidence allows for self-directed humor because you're secure enough in your worth to acknowledge imperfections without being diminished by them.
I offer practical strategies for incorporating this powerful tool into your life, from embracing imperfections to practicing mindful laughter. The vulnerability required to laugh at yourself demonstrates courage, and courage builds confidence. As my father wisely told me growing up: "It's important to be able to laugh at yourself. It shows that you can take a joke and that you don't take yourself too seriously."
Ready to reclaim your power through laughter? Subscribe now and join our community of growth-minded individuals who are discovering that lightness and self-compassion might be the most direct path to authentic confidence and deeper human connection.
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The Sage Solutions Podcast and content posted by David Sage is presented solely for general informational, educational, and entertainment purposes. No coaching client relationship is formed by listening to this podcast. No Legal, Medical or Financial advice is being given. The use of information on this podcast or materials linked from this podcast or website is at the user's own risk. It is not intended as a substitute for the advice, diagnosis, or treatment of a psychotherapist, physician, professional coach, Lawyer or other qualified professional. Users should not disregard or delay in obtaining medical advice for any medical or mental health condition they may have and should seek the assistance of their healthcare professionals for any such conditions. The opinions of guests are their own and may not necessarily reflect the opinions of the podcast.
Welcome to the Sage Solutions Podcast, where we talk about all things personal growth, personal development and becoming your best self.
Speaker 1:My name is David Sage and I am a self-worth and confidence coach with Sage Coaching Solutions. Today, we're going to be diving into a topic that might just change the way that you see yourself, why it's so important not to take yourself too seriously and to learn how to laugh at yourself. Now, look, I'm not just taking this episode to crack jokes. This is about building resilience, deepening our self-awareness and ultimately connecting more authentically with the world around us. But before we get into it, our goal with this podcast is to share free, helpful tools with you and anyone you know who is looking to improve their life. So take action, subscribe and share this podcast with them.
Speaker 1:Have you ever found yourself caught in a loop of self-criticism where every little mistake feels like this catastrophic failure? Well, trust me, we've all been there, as we talked about on the last episode. Today, I want to share a little bit about how I personally had a journey A journey from always being overly self-critical and severely lacking self-esteem and confidence to embracing a lighter, more humorous take on life. Confidence to embracing a lighter, more humorous take on life I learned that laughing at yourself isn't about making fun of your shortcomings. It's actually about reclaiming your power. It's a reminder that, no matter how serious life gets, we're all human and that a little laughter can be the best medicine. I was first introduced to this by my father, john Sage. He would regularly say it's important to be able to laugh at yourself. It shows that you can take a joke and that you don't take yourself too seriously, and growing up I partially embraced this. But the problem was I got to a point where my self-esteem was too low for me to really be able to do this. If I did make fun of myself, it was very calculated. It was only in something that I felt safe making fun of myself for, not something I was insecure about. I always had a good sense of humor and frankly, I find a lot of things funny. I once took a test that told you which types of humor you find funny. I ended up scoring high in all of the ones that were tested. I've even had friends tell me that maybe I should raise the standards for my sense of humor. They might be right, but frankly I disagree. I think finding the humor in life and the little things in life was one of the things that's brought my life a lot of light, a sense of levity that just makes things more enjoyable. But that didn't mean that making fun of myself came natural.
Speaker 1:This reminds me of a quote that I once heard by Albert Hubert Don't take life too seriously, you'll never get out of it alive. You see, there's three parts to a joke. There's the setup, the punchline and the explanation. The explanation is clearly the funniest part of a joke. So here we go. Basically, what he's saying is nobody. The only way out of life is death. We're all going to die. So no matter how seriously you take life, you can't avoid that fact. So just relax, it's gonna be okay. This simple yet profound truth, while not directly because of this quote, has been a guiding light for me and hopefully it resonates with someone out there listening to this today. But let's not just take my word for it. Let's get into the science a bit.
Speaker 1:Research shows that humor, especially when directed at ourselves, can be incredibly beneficial for our mental health. A study by Cooper and Martin explored how self-deprecating humor can reduce stress and build resilience in a challenging situation. The study found that when people laugh at themselves, they create a psychological buffer against negative emotions, making it easier to bounce back from setbacks. It also makes it harder for people to actually make fun of you mean-spiritedly, because you've already acknowledged it, taking away their power. So then they just end up looking like a dick. Another fascinating piece of research from a team at the University of Kansas examined the role of humor in fostering social connections and improving your overall well-being. They discovered that individuals who practice self-deprecating humor reported higher levels of satisfaction and a greater sense of belonging. In other words, learning to laugh at your own quirks and weaknesses not only lightens your mood, but also strengthens the bonds you share with others. It can be a fun form of vulnerability, showing that you're human and connecting with the people you love.
Speaker 1:So why does this work? Well, humor essentially acts as a bridge. It connects us with our imperfections in a gentle way. Instead of being weighed down by the pressure of perfection, we start to see our mishaps as part of the shared human experience, a kind of cosmic joke that we're all in on together. Think about the last time you laughed at yourself. Perhaps it was during a presentation, when you tripped over your words, or when you sent an email with a hilarious typo. In those moments, you probably felt a weight lift off your shoulders instead of the crippling embarrassment of taking it super seriously. That's the magic of self-humor. It's an act of self-compassion, even though it doesn't seem like it. By embracing our imperfections, we invite self-forgiveness, and that opens the door to real personal growth. Now you might be wondering how can I start practicing this in my own life? Well, here are a few practical tips that I found incredibly helpful.
Speaker 1:Embrace the imperfection. Start by accepting that mistakes are not only inevitable, but are also opportunities for learning and growth. Keep a journal where you jot down moments when things didn't go as planned and later reflect on the humor in those moments. As just one example of an active way of doing this, you can practice self-compassion. When you catch yourself being overly self-critical, pause and ask what would I say to a friend in this situation? And either treat yourself with the same kindness or take that little jab, like you would with a close friend, in a fun and not mean-spirited way. Share your funny moments, whether it's with friends, family or even on social media, sharing your humorous experiences that everyone has their own moments of screw-ups and mistakes, as well as weaknesses.
Speaker 1:Another interesting tactic is to use mindful laughter by dedicating a few minutes each day to simply laugh, watch a funny video, recall a humorous memory, or even engage in laughter yoga, which is a practice that's been shown to improve your mood and reduce stress. Now, I don't personally do laughter yoga. I've never even tried it. I've just seen some interesting stuff about it. Pick whichever strategy works best for you.
Speaker 1:By integrating which practices naturally fit into your routine, you'll gradually build a habit of not taking yourself too seriously. It's not about forcing laughter. It's about allowing yourself to experience joy in the everyday, imperfect moments of life. So what does it mean to not take yourself too seriously? It means understanding that life's ups and downs are part of a larger, imperfect and human story. It means giving yourself permission to be human and to laugh at your mistakes. This shift in our conscious perspective can make you more adaptable, more resilient and, ultimately, more fulfilled. Remember, humor is a universal language. It breaks down barriers, softens the blow of adversity and brings us closer together.
Speaker 1:Learning to laugh at myself was one of the core things I had to work on to become more confident, and I think it's actually one of the foundations, when used in the right proportions, that is necessary for this concept of true confidence that I talk about. If you're arrogant, you're not going to laugh at yourself. If you're arrogant, you're not going to laugh at yourself. If you are overconfident and you think you are just the shit and that you are better than everyone else, you're not going to laugh at yourself. It takes humility to laugh at yourself. If you're operating from ego, you're not going to laugh at yourself because your ego can't handle it.
Speaker 1:Ego is both our sense of self and it's a way of protecting our sense of self. We use it to pretend that we're confident, to act cool, to make others think that we're better than we are. We also use it when we feel threatened, when we get defensive, to protect ourselves. It's both a costume and a flimsy shield, and operating from ego doesn't allow for something like genuinely making fun of yourself because of the insecurity that's actually behind it. It's interesting because ego and arrogance can seem similar, and sometimes they are. When people are arrogant which is different than overconfidence, but they're related, which is different than overconfidence, but they're related. When people lack humility, they can also have such a strong sense of self that ego flares then too. Now, anything that goes against their strong sense of self that may also come with entitlement is a threat, and certainly making fun of yourself would fall into this category. Now, on the flip side being wildly insecure, it's hard to make fun of yourself. But if you can learn to take yourself lightly, if you can just relax and let the humor part of it take over, you'll see how freeing it is.
Speaker 1:For me, I was the second one. I was coming from a place of insecurity and lacking of confidence, but it was actually when I leaned into my humility that I learned to laugh at myself, and the self-compassion and courage that it takes to do that actually helped me build confidence over time. See, vulnerability, which laughing at yourself is, when done genuinely, is a form of showing that you're not afraid. It takes courage and, as we've talked about before, courage builds confidence. Standing up in the face of fear, being courageous, teaches you that you are more confident. So this was one of the major levers that I utilized to become more confident and to stop taking myself so seriously, because true confidence allows you to be humble and to make fun of yourself, because it's okay to be wrong. It's okay to screw things up. This is why we give ourselves self-compassion and show some vulnerability so that we can connect with others and use courage to then show that we are confident enough to do that.
Speaker 1:Making fun of yourself is a sign of confidence within reason. If you take it to an extreme, a shade of black or white where it is all or nothing, it can actually mean the opposite. I once coached a client who, while being wildly insecure, his defense mechanism had just become egregiously self-deprecating humor and he would use it all the time. He used it so often that it no longer had the same effect. It would just make other people sad for him because you could feel the insecurity coming from it. If all you're doing, if the only reason that you're doing this is to protect or beat yourself up, shame yourself before others can. This is no longer a form of self-compassion, it's no longer vulnerability, it becomes oversharing, it makes other people uncomfortable and, frankly, it shows bleeds your insecurity. So, at the same time, use this within reason and it's about the intention, because when it's done in this lighthearted manner to connect with others and not take yourself too seriously, it's a very powerful strategy.
Speaker 1:I want to leave you with one final thought. Life is unpredictable and trying to control every outcome only adds to our stress. Instead, let go lean into the imperfections and find the humor in your journey. And find the humor in your journey. Every moment, every misstep is an opportunity for growth. When you laugh at yourself, you reclaim a part of your power. So go ahead, be a little silly, take a risk and allow yourself to experience the lighter side of life. And remember you are enough and you deserve to fill up your inner cup with happiness, confidence and self-compassion. Thank you for listening to the Sage Solutions Podcast. Your time is valuable and I'm so glad that you choose to learn and grow here with me. If you haven't already, don't forget to subscribe so you don't miss out on more Sage advice. Out on more sage advice. One last thing the legal language. This podcast is for educational and informational purposes only. No coaching client relationship is formed. It is not intended as a substitute for the personalized advice of a physician, professional coach, psychotherapist or other qualified professional.