Overcoming Overwhelm

   Anxiety and worries creeping up on you? Are you feeling like you can't take a moment to breathe? Overwhelm is when those feelings and thoughts take over our lives. David tackles this touchy subject, all while dealing with his own feelings of overwhelm, in this solo episode with a real-life example and practical solutions for how we can move forward. 

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Welcome to the Sage Solutions podcast, where we talk about all things personal growth, personal development, and becoming your best self. My name is David Sage, and I am a self-worth and confidence coach with Sage Coaching Solutions. In today's solo episode, we're tackling a topic that affects nearly all of us, at least at some point. Overcoming overwhelm. And overwhelm itself. Whether we're juggling a busy career, managing personal relationships, or simply trying to keep up with the demands of life, feelings of overwhelm can sneak up on us when we least expect it. But before we really get into it, our goal with this podcast is to share free, helpful tools with you and anyone you know who is looking to improve their life. So take action. Subscribe and share this podcast with them. Now, to be honest with you, this is both a very fitting topic and a kind of ironic topic for me to be recording right now. Because I am feeling overwhelmed right now. Life has been a little crazy. Hannah and I just moved into a new apartment and we're juggling the moving, unpacking, moving the cats over, getting new things, spending money at a rate that we normally wouldn't because there are certain things that we need, trying to reset things up. Frankly, because of how busy we've been with everything going on, I am recording this podcast the same day that I am releasing it, which is not how I normally do things. Not to mention the fact that I'm gonna have to edit this entire episode today before releasing it. And I ran into a whole bunch of different setbacks as I was setting up because resetting up the computer and the microphone setup came with some issues. It was a lot of problem solving, and then I couldn't find my keys to find some of my notes. It just felt like everything was going wrong, and even just doing this episode felt overwhelming. In some ways it works out, but in some ways it kind of sucks. This happens to all of us, and I know using my active control over my perspective that things could be worse, that there's always a way through, and that I can do this, but that doesn't change the fact that I'm feeling overwhelmed. Beyond the apartment, beyond the podcast, my stepfather was diagnosed with late-stage terminal cancer, and we've all been learning how to keep going, how to cope, how to deal with the feelings that come with that, and having that objective overwhelm in the background of everything else make this overwhelming. But I can do this. You can do this. We can get through it. But if we're gonna tackle this problem, we need to understand it. So let's dive into understanding what overwhelm really is, the different forms it can take, and most importantly, how to deal with it, both in the short term and in the long term, so that we can regain a sense of control in our lives. So what is overwhelm? At its core, overwhelm is a state of being where the demands on your mental, emotional, and physical resources exceed your capacity to manage them effectively. It's the feeling when everything feels too much, and you don't know where to start or what to prioritize. It can be an emotional experience, often accompanied by anxiety, stress, and frustration. Or it can manifest physically in the form of fatigue, tension, or even headaches. Now there's multiple different types of overwhelm. Overwhelm isn't a one-size-fits-all experience. It shows up in many different forms, and for different people, they may experience one or multiple forms at a time. It's not that black and white. But let's understand the fundamental pathways it can take. Mental overwhelm. This is when your mind feels cluttered, your thoughts are racing, and you can't focus on one thing at a time. You might find yourself jumping from task to task without making real progress on any of them. Mental overwhelm is usually caused by having too much going on in your head or too many tasks to do. Emotional overwhelm. This happens when emotions like sadness, anger, or anxiety feel too intense to be managed. It's the kind of overwhelm that leads to feeling emotionally drained or disconnected. Physical overwhelm. When the body's energy is depleted and you're physically exhausted from trying to meet all of life's demands, you may feel tense, exhausted, or even notice a decrease in your immune system's ability to fight off illness. And finally, social overwhelm. In our highly connected world, social interactions and demands can feel like they pile on. Social media, family expectations, work colleagues, you might feel overwhelmed just by the sheer number of interactions and expectations coming at you from every direction. Any of these can combine to create what I'm going to call objective overwhelm. Now, objective overwhelm is what happens when a terrible life event happens, or something that is an objectively overwhelming situation for just about anyone in it. You are objectively overwhelmed. You aren't just situationally overwhelmed, which is where the situation of the current happenings is what's causing it, based on your current emotions, your current physical state, or your current to-do list. This is about major life events overwhelming long chunks or periods of time. Situational overwhelm can also be a combination of emotional, mental, physical, or social overwhelm. But as I alluded to before, your current situation, the things that are happening to you in the present moment, or in the just foreseeable future, or even your current thoughts about the far future. The way that you handle these two big, broad overarching types of overwhelm is different. And then understanding the roots, whether they be mental, emotional, physical, or social, also has an effect. But almost all overwhelm comes from similar places to some degree, and there are some tools that work on almost all of it. Now that we know what overwhelm looks like and the different types or categories that it can come in, let's talk about what causes it. Usually, overwhelm doesn't happen overnight. It builds up over time. The most common causes include high expectations and perfectionism. When we set unrealistic standards for ourselves, we may feel the pressure to constantly perform at a high level, which leads to stress and eventually overwhelm. A lack of boundaries, not being able to say no, or set healthy limits, can result in a full plate of obligations that feel impossible to manage. Overcommitment, saying yes to too many things, both at work and in your personal life, can cause a sense of chaos and overwhelm. Uncertainty and unpredictability. When we have a large imbalance in our six human needs, where we have way more uncertainty than certainty, that lack of certainty can cause huge problems in our life. Change or unexpected events like a new job, moving cities, or a health crisis of ours or somebody that we love can easily overwhelm us. Because they challenge our sense of control. They take away our agency. A lack of self-care. When we neglect our physical and emotional needs, like sleep, healthy eating, or taking breaks, we can easily feel mentally and physically depleted. So let's slow it down and come up for air for a second. Overwhelm can be caused by many different things. And what's making me feel overwhelmed right now might be different from what's making you feel overwhelmed. And that's okay. It happens to everyone. Understanding what is causing that overwhelm can help you deal with that feeling, and it can help you snuff out the root cause. Now, in a little bit we'll talk about strategies. But understanding overwhelm is the foundation that we need to tackle it, to beat it, to overcome overwhelm. Now some people are overwhelmed and stressed out so often that it just becomes a state of being. And when you get too used to being overwhelmed, those adrenaline stress hormones can start to almost feel comfortable. You are conditioning yourself, if you are in a state of overwhelm all of the time, to feel more okay with that feeling. Now, I am not trying to scare people about being overwhelmed. I'm not trying to shame people. Both of those are completely unhelpful ways of dealing with it. What I'm saying is get some awareness about where you are at. Because it's very easy, if you're overwhelmed all of the time, to let that become your emotional home. And if overwhelm becomes your emotional home, then even when you remove yourself from an overwhelming situation, you will find ways to overwhelm yourself because it's comfortable. And that's going to take a little bit of time to decondition. But trust me, it's doable. It's possible. You are never too stuck. But let's talk about some of the reasons why it's so important to overcome your overwhelm. It's easy to just brush these feelings of overwhelm off, especially in today's hustle culture. But ignoring these emotions can have long-term consequences. Chronic overwhelm can lead to burnout, emotional and physical exhaustion from prolonged stress. It can lead to mental health issues like anxiety, depression, and even physical illnesses can be linked to high levels of stress and overwhelm. Impaired decision making. Being overwhelmed clouds our judgment and can make it harder to think clearly and act rationally. If you're really overwhelmed, it makes it pretty hard to critically think or to think in shades of gray. It's also hard to be curious when you're overwhelmed. Overwhelm can also cause strained relationships. If you're constantly feeling overwhelmed, it can spill over into your interactions with others, which can lead to saying or doing something that you'll regret in that relationship. Offending somebody, taking your emotions out on them. This is why it's so important to not only recognize when you're overwhelmed, but to try and actively manage it before it becomes the standard and takes a toll on your well-being. The link between overwhelm, anxiety, and stress is pretty strong. Now we get to talk about my favorite part. Overcoming overwhelm. The practical part, using the tools, using strategies. So what can we do when we're feeling overwhelmed? Fortunately, there are both short-term and long-term strategies that we can use to help regain a sense of calm and control. The long-term strategies are more about putting yourself in a situation to become less overwhelmed in general. The short-terms are about dealing with the overwhelm in the moment. If you're feeling a little stuck and overwhelmed like I am, the most helpful strategies are going to be the short-term strategies. If you're feeling overwhelmed, and you have the ability to take a break. The first step in managing overwhelm is to pause, take a deep breath, and give yourself permission to step away. Even if it's just a few minutes. Go for a walk. Take a nap. Or simply sit quietly and focus on your breath. Take a mindful moment. Building off of that, you can breathe mindfully. Mindfulness techniques like deep breathing can quickly calm your nervous system. Try box breathing. Inhale for four. Hold for four. Exhale for four. Hold for four. And then repeat. And frankly, if trying to use certain measurements is too overwhelming, just slow down your breathing, make your exhale longer than your inhale, and focus on your breath. Be in the present moment. Another way that you can help yourself if you're feeling overwhelmed is to ask for help. Don't hesitate to reach out for support. Whether it's a friend, a family member, or a colleague. Talking to someone can provide a fresh perspective and reduce the isolation. If you have somebody you can trust, tell them you're overwhelmed. Tell them if you're stuck, if they know what's going on, they're more likely able to help and you won't feel alone. On the flip side, sometimes you need to set a boundary. If possible, say no to additional commitments. If what you already have is overwhelming, don't take on extra little not important things. You're just going to overwhelm yourself more. You have to be realistic. You have to be practical. You have to be pragmatic. It's time to protect your time and energy. You don't need to use all of these strategies. There are so many different ways that we can deal with it. Find the combination that work. And just start using them, and if it doesn't work, move on to the next one. A lot of them have synergy or can be used at the same time. If thinking about the different ways or thinking about too many different ways is actually increasing your overwhelm, don't stop. Just pick one. Utilize the paradox of choice. Kiss. Keep it simple. Complexity is the enemy of execution. As Tony Robbins says, keep it simple. Keep your options small. If you're too overwhelmed to do tons of critical thinking, use Occam's razor. Pick the simplest option. Pair down your choices. You can use the 80-20 principle. Just focus on the 20% that's going to produce the most results. Stop worrying so much about the 80%. Or just pick three. This comes from Mel Robbins. Pick the three most important things on your to-do list for today. Then 5-second rule, 5-4-3-2-1-go. Just do those. Because it's a heck of a lot better than trying to do everything on the list every day, overwhelming yourself and ending up doing none. Just do those three most important tasks. And then some of the physics of action will take place. Once you are moving, once you are doing, you will probably do more. Break it into the smallest, most simple, shortest steps or tasks that you can do. Keep it simple. Stop worrying about all of the different steps of the task and just focus on the one task in front of you, the immediate task, the present priority. Do that one step. Break it down, think about the small step, don't worry about the other things. Solely focus on the small step, accomplish that step, then solely focus on the next one. Overwhelm often comes from having too much in your mind. So another way that we can unload some of that overwhelm is to just write it all down. Get it out of your head. If you have too much going on in your head, dump it all out on a piece of paper. Get it all down and then look at it. Start crossing things off. Start deducing things. If it's not important, don't do it today. Do those top three. Or focus on what you can control. And don't do the things that you don't have control over. 8020 it. There are many ways that we can slice this to make it easier once it's all out on paper. You don't have to do everything. Let me ask you this. Has worrying ever actually solved a problem? Sure, being worried about something could have spurred you into a plan or to take action, but was the worry, the act of worrying if you take away those subsequent actions, did worrying do anything? The answer is no. Worrying about something for a prolonged period of time beyond just the natural immediate worry doesn't help you. So if you catch yourself worrying about something, either use it to spur you into taking action or to making a plan, channel it, move yourself from worry to planning, to action. Or let yourself move on. Let go. You're not actually helping the problem. If your overwhelm is coming from the future, either take action towards that future, build a plan for that future, or if it's not something you can do anything about, bring yourself back to the present moment. Use some mindfulness. Being present, focusing on your breath, noticing the things around you. These are all helpful if your overwhelm is coming from anxiety about the future. If you're having emotional overwhelm, sometimes you just need to stop and be present with your feelings. Acknowledge them. Let yourself feel them for a little bit. You can go for a walk or go be in nature, go for a run, or do some form of exercise. Mentally and even possibly physically grounding can help center yourself and bring yourself back to the present. Just give yourself some grace. You can also take a second and actually do a full mindful meditation if the situation allows for it. Take a look at your self-talk in that moment. Are you being mean to yourself? Give yourself some self-compassion. You can put your hand on your heart and just feel your heart rate while doing any of these other strategies. If you're socially overwhelmed, in addition to saying no or asking for help, you can also advocate for space if you need a second to just recompose yourself. It's a very reasonable request. And you'll find that when you ask, most people will give it to you. If you're overwhelmed, it's coming from having Too many tasks to do? Stop and take a look at some of the things surrounding the tasks. Like the deadlines. How many of these deadlines did you give yourself? How many of them are not objective deadlines, but deadlines that you set in your head and nobody else even knows about, and now you're beating yourself up for not meeting a subjective deadline that you gave yourself? This is not helping your overwhelm. Give yourself some grace, change the deadline. You can be kind to yourself here. Sometimes we're creating our own problems by putting too much pressure on ourselves. Lower the pressure. Look at some of these tasks and determine their objective importance. Some of these things aren't important, or they're important to you. Do they need to be important to you right now? Or can we maybe be okay with putting some of these on the back burner so that we can focus on the most important things? If you get stuck, if your overwhelm hits a point where you are stuck and you freeze, taking a deep breath is the most helpful thing you can do. The other thing is to physically move. Change your body language from being physically stuck. A lot of times your physiology will affect your mental state and vice versa. If you change your body language and you physically move, you are likely to get less stuck. It's like physics. An object in motion stays in motion. An object at rest will stay at rest if no force is applied to it. You have to move. You have to get rid of that static friction like we talked about in the action episode. Listen to some of your favorite music, or calming music, or uplifting supportive music. Or even one of Hannah's favorite strategies is to listen to music that straight up calls out what's going on. I believe the song is called Overwhelmed, and it's a remix by Ryan Mack. And personally, I've come to kind of love that strategy because it both validates how you're feeling in the moment and helps you actually embrace and be present with it, while also coming with some of the benefits of listening to music that you like. Even kind of a counter, almost opposite strategy works if you're overwhelmed but not super overwhelmed. If you're on the edge of overwhelmed, sometimes just putting your head down and running. Like, I don't mean physically running, I mean just turn your brain off and do action, action, action. Get things done. Just go, go, go. Sometimes just working yourself out of a rut can also be a way out, can also help you not feel overwhelmed. If you get it all done, you won't feel overwhelmed. Now that's not always feasible, but when it is, it's a very effective and productive way of handling it. The ancient Stoics would use a mindset of either caring less when things got too hard, or letting the obstacles in their way motivate them, being motivated by doing hard things. They would say let the obstacle the obstacle is the way, and so the obstacle becomes the way. Let hard things motivate you, because accomplishing challenges is rewarding. Being in a tough, stressed situation can actually be motivating. Once again, this doesn't work for every situation. Sometimes I just say to myself, I can do hard things. What if it all works out? Or what if it doesn't have to be hard? And how can I make it easy? In general, and today. The ways that I chose to deal with this overwhelm were threefold. And they're my three go-tos. Mindfulness, bringing myself back to the present, breathing, slowing myself down, letting myself feel some of the overwhelm for a little bit, because I had a second to do that. Which helps me not just suppress it, it helps me move forward. The second strategy that I used and am using is to focus on my locus of control. Yep, it's one of the fundamentals for a reason. If I stop worrying about all of the things that are out of my control, things become so much less overwhelming. By using my present priority and picking one single task, by focusing on the things and putting all of my attention into what I can control, and to let go of the things that I can't, life becomes so much less overwhelming because then I have control back. I have agency back. This is my number one way of dealing with overwhelm. To focus on my locus. And one of the things that's directly in my locus, in my agency, in my control, is my conscious perspective. Yep, another fundamental. I can reshift my mindset, my perspective surrounding the situation, and understand that it could be so much worse. And putting things into perspective makes them feel less overwhelming. Not shaming myself, this is where the mindfulness comes back in. Giving myself self-compassion for feeling overwhelmed. It's okay, I'm human, but I can do this. Other people can do it, so I can do it. I'm gonna focus on my locus. And then the third strategy, which is breaking it down into one step at a time, small steps. If I'm only worried about the one thing that I'm doing right now, it's not so overwhelming. When you combine these three strategies, I find, for me, this is the most effective way that I deal with overwhelm. And it serves me very well. Now, when somebody is going through a terrible situation, if you just lost a loved one, if you are going through something that is equivalently bad, some of these strategies may help. But frankly, you're an objective overwhelm. It's okay. It's okay to be overwhelmed. Anyone in your situation would be. Just give yourself some grace. Give yourself some time. You will get through it. But do not beat yourself up for being overwhelmed. It is totally human and natural to feel overwhelmed in these incredibly overwhelming situations. That's why I made a distinction between situational overwhelm and objective overwhelm. It's not that situational overwhelm isn't real or isn't objective, it's that they come from different magnitudes, which means we have to use different approaches. Hopefully, you found a short-term strategy or strategies that you can combine to help you with your overwhelm in any given situation. Let's talk about the long-term strategies and how those can help you overcome overwhelm in the long term, by being less overwhelmed in general, by getting too overwhelm less often. Now, mindfulness and meditation as a long-term practice can help you become more aware of your stress triggers and teach you to respond to them calmly. Meditation can build your resilience to stress over time and help you regain focus when things start to feel overwhelming. Dr. Aluk Kanoja, psychiatrist, author, and successful YouTuber, says your mind feels overwhelmed when your passive challenges outweigh your active challenges. Passive challenges are challenges that you haven't picked and or have no control over, and active challenges are challenges that you have picked and have control over. So really, his quote is about things being out of control, feeling like things are out of control. So picking more active challenges, if it's about the ratio in general, in your life, if you can make the challenges that you are picking, that you have control over, even if you're adding challenges, you can feel less overwhelmed because you have more control, because you have more agency. So once again, over the long haul, focusing on your locus of control by not taking on challenges that you have no control over, and taking on more challenges that you do have more control over, not worrying about the challenges you don't, and putting your time and focus into the ones that you do, you are directly lowering your overwhelm by giving yourself way more control and making that ratio much more in your favor. So focus on what's within your control, your actions, your thoughts, your perspective, and your responses. Let go of what you can't change and redirect your energy where it matters the most. Time management, prioritize tasks based on importance and urgency. If you do this and you organize your life, find tips, tricks, tools, 8020, paradox of choice, these strategies over the long haul can make you feel less overwhelmed because your actions are more efficient. And you're getting things done in shorter periods of time, which frees up more time to do other tasks, actions, or to give yourself a break, to do things that you enjoy, to have fun. And the last one is building resilience. Long-term resilience comes from consistent self-care practices, regular sleep, physical exercise, staying active, nourishing food, a good healthy diet, taking time for relaxation, doing things like getting chiropractic care, going to therapy is a huge one, maybe getting a massage, doing a float tank, anything that helps you reduce your stress, especially practicing gratitude, which is another part of mindfulness. When you're grateful for things, you feel a lot less overwhelmed by life. Dealing with overwhelm is not just about eliminating or managing stress from our lives. It's about developing the tools and the resilience to manage it effectively, by recognizing the signs of overwhelm, by understanding its causes, and applying both short-term and long-term strategies, we can regain control and build a life that's not only productive, but also balanced and fulfilling. Remember, it's okay to feel overwhelmed sometimes. The key is learning how to cope, recover, and use those experiences to grow. If you found today's episode helpful, I encourage you to share it with a friend who might be feeling the weight of overwhelm. And as always, it's important to remember the information I provide in this podcast is not individualized. It's generally beneficial and helpful, but it isn't specific to your situation. Everyone should look at their own situation and understand how these concepts apply to their own life. Now, if you are looking for personalized advice and are interested in individualized coaching, feel free to reach out to me at SageCoachingSolutions at gmail.com. Thank you for listening to the Sage Solutions podcast. Your time is valuable, and I'm so glad you choose to learn and grow here with me. We'd love to hear your feedback, so click the link in the description and let us know what you think. And if you haven't already, don't forget to subscribe so you don't miss out on more Sage advice. One last thing, the legal language. This podcast is for educational and informational purposes only. No coaching client relationship is formed. It is not intended as a substitute for the personalized advice of a physician, professional coach, psychotherapist, or other qualified professional.